What do you get when you mix 5 bottles of beer, a bottle of vodka, 3 glasses of red wine, and 15 jello shots? Alcohol poisoning.

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If one train goes east at 30mph and another train goes south at 53mph, how many pancakes does it take to make a mattress? 7 because peanut butter can't climb trees.

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Who are the faster readers? New Yorkers, they through 110 stories in 5 seconds

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What's big and red and if it falls out of a tree and can kill you - a fire truck

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Why was Sally sad? She was the only survivor of a plane crash that killed her entire family.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Children Protective Services. Your kids are dead.

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What do you call a cat with no ears? Anything you fucking well like. Cats can't understand speech.

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Q-How do you kill an elephant? A- An elephant gun Q- How do you kill a blue elephant? A- A blue elephant gun Q- How do you kill a red elephant? A- Strangle it until it turns blue then use a blue elephant gune Q- How do you kill a purple elephant? A- Don't be ridiculous purple elephants don't exist

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Q: What did the Black Man say to the Mexican Fellow Guy? A: Hello.

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Justin Beiber is a good singer

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Why did the girl fall off of the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.

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whats worse than finding a joke in a cracker? finding an anti joke in a cracker.

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What is Debbie short for? She has no legs.

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What's 1+1? 69.

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69

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You have been brought down to hell where you are welcomed by satan. "Welcome to hell, where you watch your loved ones get tortured for all eternity" Satan said "Where is everyone? " you ask "Hmmm, I guess you were never really loved"He replied

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How do you kill a retard You give em a kinfe and ask who's special

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A man is going to sign up for life insurance, he is stabbed by a mugger on the way and spends his last breath in a puddle hating the cruel irony of his fate.

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If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first? Answer: Newton's Law dictates that they would hit the ground at the same time.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gays house! knock knock who's there? The chicken!

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Whats the difference between black people and white people? They're both people.

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God is real.

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When life gives you Pure Filtered Water, Sweeteners (High Fructose Corn Syrup, Sugar), Lemon Juice from Concentrate, Less Than 0.5% of Each: Natural Flavors, Citric Acid (Provides Tartness), Modified Cornstarch, Glycerol Ester of Wood Rosin, Sodium Hexametaphosphate and Sodium Benzoate and Potassium Sorbate and Edta (to Protect Taste), Red 40 Make Lemonade.

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Roses are red Violets are blue If you came 'cause GameGrumps Fuck you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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