A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Whats the difference between a penis and a vagina? Pancakes,

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have ADD Hey look, a squirrel!!

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Roses are red Bacon is also red Poems are hard Bacon

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What do you call a guy who died in a stampede? Grandpa.

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Why didn't the cat play with the ball of yarn? It was drowned in a toilet.

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Hush, little baby, don't say a word, Mama's going to buy you a mockingbird. If that mockingbird won't sing, Mama's going to buy you a another mockingbird.

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I like apples. So does Mr. Johnson from the local fruit stand.

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Why do ducks have flat feet? To stomp out forest fires Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out flaming ducks

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what do you call a mexican being baptized? a mexican becoming christian.

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Micheal jackson had half a pie, Fred had the other half of the pie, They both shared a pie.

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead. why did the frog fall out of the tree? because it was stapled to the monkey,

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I walked into the cactus store. The clerk there was being mean so I called him a "prick". ...........

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What is the square root of 69? 8.306623863

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How's your mum? she's dead..

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Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? A:Pull the pin and throw it back

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Nobody cares.

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Want to hear a joke? No.

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What did one mail box say to the other? NOTING! In-animate objects cannot speak...

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a white van was driving really slow and he stopped in front 3 children. "do you want some candy" the old man said. the kids took the candy and the old man drove away happily, knowing he made someones day.

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I remember my first beer. It did not taste good to me at the time.

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What's worse than Hitler killing six million Jews? All of the Jews. --ZeNaziGermanDoctior

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Hey i just met you and this is crazy, but heres my penis, so suck it baby.

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What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics? Not being retarded.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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