Why did the Israeli military stop the helicopter raids to Gaza? They didn't. They continue them until there is nobody left.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why do Pelicans stand on one leg? Because if they stood on none, they'd fall over.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're allergic to flowers So this poem will kill you

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did santa claus say when he saw a girl standing on the corner? Ho Ho Ho... ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +39

In Soviet Russia you drive car, because a car driving you would be screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What did Hellen Keller say to her baby cousin? Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down -9

You know what sucks? A vacuum.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Rich merchant started build a new bigger home for his family. He bought good blueprints and hired some construction workers to build it up. It took 2 years for the house to finish. Just few days before moving in, he had an horrible nightmare where little green men set the house on fire. When he woke up, he heard the bad news. House was burned down during the night. Merchant was shocked and sad. After couple of weeks, he decided to build a new house. This time a smaller one. Again he bought blueprints and hired people to work for him. Almost a year later, the house was starting to be finished. And again he saw that nightmare of little green men burning the house down. At morning he already knew the news and started to investigate these happenings. Local police officer couldn't help him and so didn't anyone else he asked. Merchant decided to try once more to build new home. This time he had money only for a small farmhouse. Building it up last 6 months, and almost every night merchant was guarding the construction site for little green men. Farmhouse finished in time and merchant moved in. In couple weeks he started to relax and think that little green men stopped harassing him. At one night, couple of months after moving in. Merchant saw the nightmare again, and woke up in burning house. He escaped from the window and saved his wife and children. Then he ran to the village to call for help. The next morning, merchant was sitting next to his burned home and just thinking the motives for green men, what did he do in past so that green men were angry at him? Some villagers had come to watch the burned house and merchant saw something green in middle of the crowd. He slowly walked towards the crowd and saw this little man fleeing. He started to pursue this man and was pumped with adrealine. Didn't last long when merchant catched this little guy and held him in the ground to ask "Who are you? Do you have anything to do with those housefires?" The little green man was calm and relaxed as he answered "No."

thumb_up thumb_down -4

My mother in law fell down a wishing well, i was amazed, i never new they actually worked

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What word starts with N and ends with R that you never want to call a black person? Neighbor.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

where are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Check out page 4016 :)

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why didn't Megan do her homework? Although Megan was an intelligent girl who had always done well academically, she remained unconvinced that anything taught in school held practical or philosophical importance.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down

Why is the little boy crying on the side of the street? He fell and skinned his knee.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What is a pirate's favorite color? It depends on the pirate.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What is yellow and Bear Grills has drunk on National Television. ...Lemonade.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What happened when your mom closed the blinds? You.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Why did the man have an extremely large nose? It just so happens that both his father and mother had large noses as well and nature took it's course.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did the deaf, dumb, blind, and mute child get for his birthday? Nothing, his parents hate him.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Mexican and an American are on a plane. It crashes due to an oversight concerning its weight limit, killing all of its passengers.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

i dont like attention whores lol

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to go well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that when his wife was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas, despite that the tank was full and she only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrendous car accident that caused the fuel to empty and catch fire. Mary survived but their 6 month old baby was killed.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A black man, a Mexican man, a white man, an Asian man, a priest, a rabbi, and a prostitute walk into a bar. It was a very popular bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops