A Jewish man walks by a penny.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A man wakes up in the hospital after being in a car accident. He begins to yell "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor hurries into the room to find out why the patient is yelling. The doctor then promptly explains that this was due to the crash severing his spinal cord and rendering him paraplegic for the rest of his life. The doctor after explaining this states he'll never walk again, before leaving the patient's room.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What does a blonde say when she walks into a bar? Ow

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the chicken cross the road? 4

thumb_up thumb_down +9

See now, that is because you consider yourself my submissive on a both concious and subconcious level, your body and mind wants me to take care of you. I could say it is because I read minds, but why read minds, when I can create them, why read the future, when you can create it. Finally, lets take a look into the word, nerve endings yes? Not nerve endings baby, its called Suggestion. But seriously though, lets put the word nerve endings on top of the word suggestions again there. Nerve endings, did I mention it works on your butt too? You see, usually you would say no, but you do know that now that I am your master, you do and enjoy as I say? See you baby. Moral: "Feel the grove, I control the way you move"

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Q: What do you call a black guy that flies a plane? A: A pilot, you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down

Wendy went for a walk every day in the forest. Why not today? She was shot yesterday

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What does a man that has to go to the bathroom do when there is no restroom within a reasonable walking radius? He gets in his car and drives to the nearest rest stop.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the turtle cross the road? Because there was a chicken stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do you stop your child from picking his nose? Cut his hands off

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Q: Why did the man take a shower? A: because he was dirty.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

sorry got to poo

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How do you fit 45 Jews into a car? 5 in the car 40 in the ashtray.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

This is an anti-anti joke. I don't expect him to get it.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

vitamin c

thumb_up thumb_down +3

W. If I was one thing other then a person why would I be? M. The sun. W. Aww, so I brighten your day? M. No, you're just hard to look at.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A homeless guy on the brink of starvation found one dollar lying on the street. He took it and bought a lottery ticket at the local drugstore. God was looking down on him with pity that day and decided that day that he would no longer be a vagabond. The next day, the homeless man won the lottery jackpot, worth 100 million dollars. He declared that on that day, he was the luckiest and happiest man alive. He then woke up in a pile trash.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why do all black people look the same? They don't, you're either just racist or unobservant.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you call a woman with one leg? I don't know. I am not in the position, currently, of knowing anyone who finds themselves in such an unfortunate condition.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why didn't Johnny go to the party? He was aborted as a fetus

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Do you think the death man heard the one about, oh wait I bet he didn't

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you get when you cross the motorway with a lottery ticket? You get knocked down and killed.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops