Four guys walk into a bar. They buy their drinks and stay for a couple of hours. After they are done they get a cab ride home. It was a lovely night.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

A house comes around the corner.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Santa Claus, "Ho ho ho!" Asain Santa Claus, "Hohohohohohohoho!" Pedophile Santa Claus, "Ho ho ho! Come and sit on my lap children!" Dyslexic Santa Claus, "Oh oh oh! Merry Shitcrams!" Narcopleptic Santa Claus, "Ho ho..." *snores*. Black Santa Claus, well, I wouldn't like the idea of a black fat guy breaking into my house, eating my cookies, drinking my milk, and leaving presents under my tree. Would you?

thumb_up thumb_down +41

whats worse than being cold? having a pine cone shoved up your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Knock knock. Who's there? Justin. Hello Justin, please come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the President fall down? He was assassinated. -mattobrado

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did Jimmy not go to school? Because Jimmy, along with his family, were killed in a horrible house fire. Knock Knock? Who's there? Not Jimmy...

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I like to eat.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did little ben get for christmas? A dead grandma

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's the difference between a pair of slippers and a pair of dead babies? Essentially nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

How do you make a boy cry? Pour hot soup on his head.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call the white woman who bought kool-aid for a black man. a good friend.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

i threw my line in the toilet the fishing was pretty shity that day

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Emily Scarpello...Fat Couch

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Last night I had the strangest dream. I was eating a big marshmallow and when I woke up this morning I had appendicitus

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A White guy invites his Black friends into his house, he says "Make yourself at home." THEY DO

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's worse than walking into a door by accident? Finding out that your mother molestors children.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A fat black guy walks into a pet store and asks if he can have a chicken. The cashier says "what do you want a chicken for?" He says " I need to lose weight so I'm hoping to eat its all natural eggs" So the cashier gives him the chicken and the fat black guy lost 50 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

like this or you will die at some point in your life

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Is it closer to Minneapolis, or by bus?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Roses are Red, Vilots are blue Im going to kill myself Bye

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

We are few Nero, too few, if I want to split my money with you, would it help you find true happiness?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops