What did Helen Keller say to the priest? Nothing, she didn't know he was there.

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Why don't women wear watches?...Because the economy is at an all-time low and it would be reasonable to presume that a person couldn't afford an item like this, thus, trying to budget in a watch that could cost anywhere from 50-100$ would be a risky financial move depending on their yearly salary.

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A man was complaining about not getting enough sleep. He was then raped.

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johann grayson being liked

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Where did the 5 gay guys go? One direction

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Why did the retirement home go out of business. There was a fire and all of the residents charred to death accept for a couple who escaped but were too traumatized to return to the old folks home.

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Why did the plane crashed? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Whats worst then listening to you girl friends problems? Nothing.

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Q: What would you do if i pushed you down the stairs A: I would suffer from serious head injuries thus filling you with guilt for performing such a deed.

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How come Jimmy didn't take his math test? Dead babies can't take math tests!

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Why are there cookie's in the jar? 'Cause I put cookies in the jar

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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Did you see the blind man get hit by a car? Neither did he.

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What's worse then a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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What do you call an elephant on the moon? Dead.

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What's the difference between Mike Tyson and Anna Nicole Smith? Mike Tyson's not dead.

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What happened when the boys visited Penn State? They got toured around campus and decided that it would be their future college.

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How do you kill an american? You shoot them

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witnesses, can we have a moment of your time?

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What is bad about being black and Jewish? Your gonna have to sit in the back of the oven

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Religion

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What did the police officer say to the black man? "I am a police officer."

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Why did the blackjack player gamble every night and day and not eat, sleep, or use the bathroom? To practice for a tournament in which the grand prize was to save his dying grandmother.

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A kid who lost parents is called an orphan and a wife who lost her husband is called a widow. What do you call parents who lost their child? Free on the Weekends.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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