Knock Knock Who's there Doctor Doctor Who

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A bear walks into a bar and says to the barman "I'll have a pint of................ beer please." The barman says "why the big pause?"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red my name is dave this poem makes no bloody sense microwave

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What did the doctor say to the pregnant mother? Your babies dead

thumb_up thumb_down -24

what do you get when you combine an astronaut, a microwave and a bathtub? A suicide investigation

thumb_up thumb_down +13

If you are swimming in a tree how many dogs does it take to crack a duck? The answer is 4 because nothing rhymes with orange

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A pregnant woman takes the bus, once inside she realizes that there are no seats. No one was pollite enough to let her sit down so she felt pretty uncomfortable on the way home.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

How many blind men does it take to change a light bulb? None. They are blind and do not care if it is light or dark in their surroundings.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did the homeless man say to his family? Nothing. His family left him after he lost his job.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

"Free to play" Play free "right now" "Free forever"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's the difference between a box of dead babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness. Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do giant spiders like to spend their weekends? Eating Orphans.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did Obama do when he heard of Bin Ladins death? He informed the nation of what had happend.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

The adventures of HAROLD THE MONGOOSE: Harry dug a hole. He did not like that hole so he dug a new one. He liked that hole so he did not dig another one. Harry slept on a rock. He did not like that rock. So he smashed it with a ham. Harry found a new rock. He liked that rock so he didn't smash it with a ham. Harry ate a snake. He did not like that snake so he regurgitated it. Harry ate another snake. He liked that snake so he did not regurgitate it. Harry encountered a bush. He did not like that bush. Unfourtianately for Harry, that Bush became president.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

josh- your a strange boy. liam- yes. due to by up bringing i have been exposed to unusual situations that most people do not encounter therefore affecting how i behave. Secondly the definition of normal is varying from person to person making being normal to every human being difficult to even the most capable of people. Essentialy Josh i care little for you comment. *josh was a black man who died of cancer 6 weeks after this incodent*

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A zen master walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The vendor says, "Sorry, we're out of relish." Then the zen master tells him, "Sir, I don't think you get the joke. As you can see by my long silk robes and fu manchu, I am clearly a zen master. And I have used a pun that would make you think I were asking for enlightenment from a hot dog." The vendor then says, "We don't take too kindly to wise guys here." And then the prick gets up and tosses me into the street!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do an elephant, and a banana have in common? Neither one is an ambulance.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did jimmy's mom fall off the cliff? i dont know.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two but I don't know how they got in there.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

why did the chicken cross the road who's there and the man died of cancer congradulations! your preganant

thumb_up thumb_down -17

-How do you wake up Lady Gaga? -Poke her face

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Yo mamma's so fat, she's self-concsious about her weight and is embarassed when people make fun of her weight which makes her escape to her only friend, food, which makes her even fatter, so she will never lose weight until society accepts her and is not so prejudice towards overweight people.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman went to the top of the Empire State building to have a penis measuring contest. The Irishman had the longest penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops