Knock knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant.

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A boy with cancer decides to go skydiving for his 18th bithday. Unfortunately, his parchute doesn't work & he dies before he hits the ground.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get surgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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A horse walked into a bar. The bartender served him a beer and said "why the long face?", to which the horse replied "neigh". The bartender was later fired for incompetence and serving beer to a horse.

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A Jew, A black, and a Hispanic jump off a building. Who hits the ground first? Who cares.

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What did the comedian say when he fell off the cliff? Nothing; dead beings are incapable of performing actions.

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Why did the kid punch the other kid. Because he was black.

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Why doesn't Santa come in the summer? Because it's not Christmas.

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Why did the baby cross the road? Because it most likely saw a shiny object and wanted to play with it. Luckily there was no cars passing at the time but the parents should be more careful to keep thier child in sight and away from peril. That and the baby found a small piece of glass that could be harmful to it....

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A boy found a nickel on the street. So he went to the ice cream shop and bought a gumball with the nickel.

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haiku's are stupid, and do not always make sense, refrigerator.

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What did the physicist say when he got his penis stuck in a test tube? Ah jeesh! I got my penis stuck in a test tube.

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Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas

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Whats better than pizza? Pepperoni pizza, if you like pepperoni that is.

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White guy: I figure she's a gold digger, my neighbor. Black guy: Did you say the N word?

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Your mom is so ugly, she suffers from severe depression and regularly contemplates suicide.

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Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Because she fell out the window and landed in soot.

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Why did the woman scream when she saw her brother? Cause he was dead.

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Q: yugdyijgdripgdghd A: sorry I'm retarted. I don't know wtf I'm doin

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Why couldn't the unicorn fly? It was a horse.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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What has four legs, is green and furry, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? A pool table.

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Why did the man have an extremely large nose? It just so happens that both his father and mother had large noses as well and nature took it's course.

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HELP!!! I locked myself in my bathroom and can't get out! my laptop is running out of batteries!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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