Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Knock knock Who's there My dick

thumb_up thumb_down -6

what is your moms favorite website? Wait did I say mom. Oh I'm not very sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

A young baby died.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Who's obsessed with death and love to make jokes about it? The majority of the contributors in this site.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Knock Knock... Who's there? Nine... Nine who? Nine Eleven.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why? Because.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A man falls out of a boat. What happens next? Well, you would think he'd know how to swim, but due to his alzheimer's he didn't, so he drowned.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

An Irishman walks into a club. "Ow, that was almost as painful as that time I walked into a bar."

thumb_up thumb_down +15

what do u call a black person a black person dehh

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you call a lump on your penis? STD

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down -5

why does chuck norris not have a middle name? because his parents didn't want him to have one.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What do you get when you come across a blonde. Depression, because you want to do her, but you know that will never happen cause you spend to much time sitting on your ass looking at anti-jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Hey! Where is my tracker?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What did the coconut say to the lizard? Nothing, the coconut fell off the tree and killed the lizard.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Which side of an ostrich has the most feathers? Obviously the outside! Who would be so low educated to even have the idea that an ostrich can have feathers on the inside of it's body?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the moose say to the photographer? Moose say cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Once upon a time a girl took a gun and shot herself in the face

thumb_up thumb_down -29

You know your in Houston when... The highway sign says so.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What is terrible and doesn't exist? This joke's punchline,

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the piano say to the ice cube? Dude, get back in the freezer or you are going to melt!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did Stephen Hawking say to his daughter? Nothing, his illness prevents him from talking. And letting a high-tech wheelchair make human sounds isn't talking!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What should you do when a man carrying a stuffed tortoise tries to break into your house? Call the police.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops