So I showed my friend my blind dog. He said, "Wow I've never seen a blind dog before!" I said, "they havnt seen you either."

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How do you confuse a Mexican? Stand in the middle of a crosswalk while shouting "Cthulu will rise!" whilst looking at the sky and playing "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by Wang Chung. Works every time.

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When the poop hits the fan and you walk in with your pants around your ankles, it's a bad sign!

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Oh my god it's the twinkie mobile!

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Three nuns were talking in the church. The first nun said, "I was looking in the Priest's desk and found a condom." The second nun said, "I saw also saw that condom, except I poked holes in it." The third nun promptly reported them to the Priest causing the first two nuns to lose thier jobs.

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ethan skov ex gf looked like a bull mastifs ring piece

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George W. Bush

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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Laughter is the best medicine. Not for cancer.

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What's more fun than nailing a baby to a wall? Pulling it off.

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Why do people who walk into bars never have names?

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your moma is sao fat that she is gay . nope im sorry thats just mean.

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why did the chicken cross the street? so it could throw a fridge at you, you are very loud at night for some reason and you wake everyone up. the chicken then goes home to watch gay porn videos.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she is blind, deaf, and dead.

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What did the lady find when she walked through the door? Her husband stabbing himself to death because she ate his cornflakes

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pleas help someone is in my house i think hes trying to kill me i'm not even joking.

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Yes.

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what is white and black and red all over? a half eaten penguin

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A horse finds himself sleeping in the ocean. Immediately, he decides to be a dolphin.

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This is not a joke, I'm just bored (or am I?)

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What's worse then running out of toilet paper? Getting shot

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A priest, a rabbi, and a baleen whale walk into a bar. The priest says, "Well I believe Jesus Christ is the only begotten son of God and my lord and savior, so I'll have some communion wine." The rabbi says, "Well I don't believe the messiah has yet walked the earth, so I'll have Manischewitz wine." The baleen whale says "EEEEEEOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHH"

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Scratch and Sniff [________] smells like glass doesn't it?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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