What goes down well with whiskey? Pedestrians

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How did the man drown the fish? He ate it.

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What's the difference between erotica and kink? Erotica involves simple arousal; kink usually has an added element of masochism.

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A panhandler came up to me today and said he hadn't had a bite in weeks, so I gave him some change.

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what's the best way to get your younger sibling to stop being annoying? Shoot Him

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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how much does a pirate pay for an earing? $2.50

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What's the most annoying thing in the world? Yourself. (Your friends are saying it too, behind your back)

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 had a gun.

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What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? I don't remember the rest of the joke but your mom's a whore.

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What do you call a straight A student that takes 6 Vicodin's, 5 Percocet's, and 7 Adderalls? I don't know, but he will most likely die of drug overdose.

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A patient goes to the doctor. The doctor says I have bad news and even worse news. The patient says "What's the bad news?" The doctor says "You only have 24 hours to live." The patient says "Oh my gosh what could possibly be worse than that?!" The doctor says "Well...we've been trying to contact you since yesterday..."

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Q) what happens when you tackle someone with 2 legs? A) you fall over

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A man forgets to hang his food in a tree on a camping trip. A bear comes and kills his wife and two kids but leaves the man to live with the guilt for the rest of his life.

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How did the rabbi die? It didnt it lived through the shooting

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? It's Jeff. Hi there Jeff, come in, the doors open.

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What's worse than stubbing your toe? Bees inside of your eyeballs.

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Q. What is a similarly between Jewa and Pizza. A. There both baked in a over

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Why did the gay guy come out of the closet? He finally found the shirt he was looking for

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A girl was walking home from school, she had a pizza box in her hands, her mom was waiting for her in the car to take her to T.G.I.F, and then she dropped the pizza box in the middle of the street. In a frantic attemp to get the box, she run out into the middle of the street and got hit by a semi. Her funeral is tomorrow.

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Roses are red-ish Violets are blue-ish If it weren't for Jesus we'd all be jewish

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." Then there is silence and a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone the guy says "I shot in the air and my friend heard it and moved. I think he's still alive." The operator says "Good that means he's still breathing and he's not dead."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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