why did the duck fall in the water? It got shot

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A man walks into a 1980's style restaurant he takes a seat and orders his meal.

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you and your family will die tonight

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Why was the cancer ward sad? They just lost a patient who couldn't ward off cancer.

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Why did Patrick buy an apple? So he can eat it

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What did Big Dog say to Little Dog? "We are both dogs."

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Like Harry Potter? Like anti-jokes? Check these out: http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38139-why-did-dumbledore-fall-off-the-astronomy-tower-because-snape-killed-him http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38140-knock-knock-who-s-there-you-know-you-know-who-call-him-voldemort-fear-of-a-name-increases-fear-of-the http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38141-a-black-kid-an-asian-kid-and-a-jewish-kid-walk-into-a-barrier-they-are-students-at-hogwarts-school

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? "We are both lawyers."

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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If I crash my car, how many trees does it take to cover my yard in orange juice, yellow, because a cat pissed on my foot.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends. How hard can you throw?

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how did the homeless man die? He got stabbed

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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How did the hot blonde get a promotion from her boss? She worked really hard and achieved more thaan her coworkers.

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Why does a chicken lay an egg? If she'd throw it it would break.

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what was the funniest part of the titanic sinking? nothing, many innocent people were killed and left their family devastated.

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Why did Gus go to the HC? Because he got high off his ass.

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What does Snoop dog wash his clothes with Bleach

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A woman's opinion

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the water? Nothing, because he would drown from his absence of limbs.

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Q: Imagine you are driving a boat, but the wheel falls off. So how many pancakes can you fit in that box? A: None, because the oranges couldn't talk!

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Whats the difference between a polish drunkard and a German scholar? They are two different nationalities.

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SKnock Knock. Whose there? Why don't you open the door and find out instead of questioning the millions of other people that knock on your door everyday?

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Chuck Norris was once engaged by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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