Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. I'm not sure, because there are many farmers on this earth, and finding the same one that you are talking about, may be hard. It may take a while, but i'll get back to you as soon as possible, with an anwser.

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What do you do if Zombies are chasing you and your friend? Trip the friend.

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Two men are walking in a forest And they find this deep whole, so they spit in it to see how deep it but they here nothing So they throw a rock in and still hear nothing Them they find this old tramission and throw that in. A couple second later the goat comes running by and jumps in the whole A couple minutes pass and an old farmer walks up and asks if they had seen his goat and they replied" yea it just ran and jumped into that whole. The farmer says "that's weird considering I had him tied up to an old tramission

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Why did the boy not turn in his homework? Because his pet ate it.

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?!, who's there?!!!, ya fucking asshole!!!, and quit knockin on my door!, my windows are fine!"

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Everytime God shuts a door, he opens a window... ...But I am the Goddamn locksmith!

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How many chinese women can you fit in a car? About the same amount as men.

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A 65 year old man is tired with his life. He begins to realize that it is meaningless to him. He wants no part in the world anymore so he decided to commit suicide. On his way to commit suicide, he comes across a magical man that has an extraordinary offer. This magical man has offered to grant the 65 year old man the power to fly. The 65 year old man, accepts the offer in great interest, but the magical man wants something in return for his deed. The 65 year old man, offers all the money in his wallet to the magical man. The magical man accepts his offer of all the money and continues. With a flick of the wrist, the magical man says, "fly, fly, high as the sky, i grant this man the ability to fly". The 65 year old man is greatly excited now that he has the ability to fly. He cant wait to try out his new power. He runs to the nearest cliff and jumps. Too bad the "magical man" was really a male prostitute that was broke and homeless. The 65 year old man died on impact and the male prostitue walked away with a wallet full of cash.

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A man invites his Irish friend to his house. "Would you like something to drink?" the man asks. "Just kidding, we don't have any drinks." Later, they die of dehydration.

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I stepped into the bathroom and began to take a shower. Then, I panicked. I was so thirsty, and I did not take the advantage to drink some water before I stepped into the bathroom. But then I realized: "Wow, I am so silly. I am standing under the shower, so I could easily just expedite my washing and drying, exit the bathroom, get dressed, and grab something to drink from the kitchen!" Then I showered quickly and got something to drink.

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You've heard of take your child to work day, but I bet you haven't heard of 9/11- take your plane to work day

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Your momma so fat.... She's at risk of cardiovascular disease. You should take her to a nutritionist.

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What starts with P and ends with O-R-N? Popcorn.

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What is the difference between menstrual blood and sand? You can't gargle sand.

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2 men walk into a bar. 3 come out

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What do you call a fat, ugly kid? An unloved child.

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That awkward moment when you have to tell your child you wanted an abortion, and still wish you had.

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Why did the Kek Kick Ben? Cause Ben kicked Kek's Kik. KEKEKEK

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A spanish comedian walked into a bar. He was on time for his act.

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Wanna know what a hate about instructions? I always get my dick stuck in a ceiling fan.

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Why did the airplane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What? Chicken butt Why? Chicken thigh Who? Deez nuts

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What do you call a shark on land A dead shark

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Chuck norris walked into a bar. He went up to the bartender, clenched his fists and gave him some money

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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