A Polish man is walking down the street carrying a brown paper bag. He runs into one of his buddies, who asks, "Hey! What's in the bag?" The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The man replies, "I'm sorry, my friend, but gambling is against my morals, especially when my family's only nutrition for the week is on the line."

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Sarah went to church one day and went into the confession booth with her pastor. He made sure nobody was in the church, and proceeded to allow her to confess. He didn't molest her. However, when Sarah got home her abusive stepfather beat her to death in an alcoholic rage and shot himself. It was on the news.

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How do you greet a small mexican man at Chuck E. Cheese? Whatsup Jose

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because six is a numerophobe.

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Who is worse then Charlie Sheen? Hitler.

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Is there any non dirty numbers these days, 69, just kidding

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Why did the pilot crash the plane? It was a tomato.

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A man went to the doctor, complaining about not feeling well after dancing the night before. The doctor quickly rushed to the surgeon to get ready for the liver transplant that had to take place.

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Did you know there was a black man in my family tree? He married my aunt.

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What's the difference between video games and a naked chick? The Holocaust.

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What's the difference between cat and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer. The other is a watermelon.

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Q: What's big, brown, and smell like crap? A: Turd.

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How do you find the population of Mexico? Send out a census

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What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? One walks on the moon and the other f*cks little boys.

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What's yellow and has six legs ? A cat. I may be wrong about the color and the legs, I'm color-blind and I can't count.

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What has one eye, three arms and one leg? A really weird person.

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What do you call a muslim behind the controls of an airliner? A pilot you rascist.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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:y do people talk? ;idk :oh then nevermind

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Yo momma so fat she weighs 400 pounds.

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What does an Asian person with 3 eyes have? A birth defect.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I've got Alzheimer's Cheese on toast

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What happens when an Asian with a boner walks into a wall? He breaks his nose

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Q: whats big gray and cant swim A: a castle

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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