What did Jesus get for Christmas? Birthday presents.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

guys ive got a TANK under my house a septic tank

thumb_up thumb_down +26

two men are standing on a roof. Man #1: do you want me to push you off a roof? Man #2: No.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was hit by a fridge. Why did Sally fall off her bike? She was hit by a falling monkey and fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the mute child say to his parents for the first time? "My head hurts" Doctors later found he had hypertensitive heart disease and an aneurysm in his brain. He died later that month.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Knock knock Who's there? A Jehovahs Witness

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Knock knock, who's there? Your mom! Oh I'm comming.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Knock Knock Who's there? The mailman The mailman who? How dumb are you?

thumb_up thumb_down -4

"Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "I am." "Okay, come in."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats the best way to take down a skycraper? -Crash a plane into it-

thumb_up thumb_down -2

why is there a hole in the wall, i hope a prehistoric mole doesnt come out of that hole in the ball CC

thumb_up thumb_down +19

why did the boy buy a dirty magizine? he should not have, its been on the floor. who wants to read the rolling stone magizine if it has dirt on it. how dumb of him.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

how do you wake up lady gaga? you throw her on the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

3 guys are walking in the woods there are 3 paths they each take a path. the first path lead to a shed that said blowjobs 25 cents the second path lead to the same place after they all made it threw the first guy said he got a blowjob so dose the second guy. the third guy said i made 50 cents

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the tree catch on fire? A phinix hit it!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A Muslim walks into a bomb shop. Unfortunately for the bomb shop owner, the Muslim was a police officer. He proceeded to arrest the owner and the employees of the store, as it turned out that the selling of these particular explosive devices were illegal. They ended up in jail, and justice was served.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Can we still mine for gold in the American River? No, anyone seen mining for gold is considered a hobo and all the gold is cleared out by random people in the 17 century

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Rex Ryans foot fetish was honer by Mark Sanchez when he threw the ball at his teammates feet.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the kid say before he died Nothing he was terminally ill

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of course," replies the second man. I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again."

thumb_up thumb_down +27

How do you get rid of a pile of dead babies? Call 911 so someone will pick them up and take them to the morgue.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Your mother is so stupid that she has an IQ score that is much lower than the average person.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A panda walks into a bar. He eats but then is tranquilized and taken back to the zoo.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a man with three testicles? Polyorchid. Look it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops