bite me

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Yo mama so fat , when she went to the doctors office and stepped on the scale they said please, your weight, not your phone number .

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Q:Whats a similarity between your mom and your dad? A:They both hate you -Ryan V

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I can be considerate if like someone is burning to death and I was the one considerate enough to lit them on fire... Wait no, I am considerate towards my friends (which are all ladies, all men besides me are obstacles and nothing else) AAAAND my logic processor broke down. Anyway, please do me the honors, take the last message.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by jimmy savile.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police. We know about the cocaine.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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why are they called the melbourne storms? Because you turn 360 degrees and walk away

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When life gives you lemons. You make beef stew. #andymilinokis

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How do you know if you have athlete's foot? You ask your doctor, and he will tell you.

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What's faster than a black man with a TV? Light.

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When geese fly, they often fly in a V-formation. Why is one side of the V is always longer than the other? Because there are more birds on that side.

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Your mother is so fat that she has to undergo amputation of her foot because of type 2 diabetes.

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Tiny timmy likes timmy turner in his time of tingling on christmas.

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A frog found a smoking cigarette on the road, so he/she takes it, smokes it, and explodes.

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When life gives you oranges, hit kidswith 'em.

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why did the chicken cross the road Why not

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what was the funniest part of the titanic sinking? nothing, many innocent people were killed and left their family devastated.

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i like my coffee like i like my women. without a penis

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A 3 year old child walks into his parents having intercorce the child asked "mommy what were you and daddy doing" she says "sex" the child was scarred for life.

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What's worse than Hell? The Holocaust.

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What's black and white and in the desert? Tourists being held hostage by a tribe.

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What do you call an blonde, brunette, and a redhead? There has yet to be a definition for a group of people categorized by hair color.

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Whats the difference between Steven Hawkin and Gary Glitter? Ones severely disabled and ones a paedophile.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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