Maroon 5 to a bitch: Cross my heart and hope to die... wait why don't i just kill you bitch!

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whats worse than finding a holocaust in you apple...........

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What do stuffed animals and living animals have in common? There both living except the stuffed animal.

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What's green and eats rocks? A green rock-eater.

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Why did the bald man die? Cancer.

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Hey I just met you you are a sneaker smell my gym socks and then pick oot throughyour nose

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why are anti-jokes so funny? Because you are expecting them to encompass one idea of irony, but instead sometimes give a logical explanation to the question.

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Dani barton from bob chuckles

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Do you know what's funny? Retarded people.

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What did the toaster say to the raisin? Nothing. The toaster was mute and the raisin had lost his hearing in a terrible full-contact origami accident.

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Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

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What do you get when you put a pig in an oven? A dead pig.

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How do you make a plummer angry? Kill his family

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why did the duck fall in the water? It got shot

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A man walks into a 1980's style restaurant he takes a seat and orders his meal.

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you and your family will die tonight

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Why was the cancer ward sad? They just lost a patient who couldn't ward off cancer.

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Why did Patrick buy an apple? So he can eat it

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What did Big Dog say to Little Dog? "We are both dogs."

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Like Harry Potter? Like anti-jokes? Check these out: http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38139-why-did-dumbledore-fall-off-the-astronomy-tower-because-snape-killed-him http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38140-knock-knock-who-s-there-you-know-you-know-who-call-him-voldemort-fear-of-a-name-increases-fear-of-the http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38141-a-black-kid-an-asian-kid-and-a-jewish-kid-walk-into-a-barrier-they-are-students-at-hogwarts-school

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? "We are both lawyers."

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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If I crash my car, how many trees does it take to cover my yard in orange juice, yellow, because a cat pissed on my foot.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends. How hard can you throw?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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