How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagon? 5 comfortably

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I have read and agree to the Terms of Service

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How do you kill a retard? you shoot him in the head

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Q: why did timmy fall over? A: he was hit by a plane

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The early bird gets the worm, but the angry bird gets the pig.

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping, and pitch their tent under the stars. During the night, Holmes wakes his companion and says: 'Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce.' Watson says: 'Someboby stole our tent.' Holmes and Watson look at each other, shrug and go back to sleep. At least the thief kept their blankets.

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A planes crashes on the US-Canada border. The survivors are promptly taken to a hospital nearby to be treated for their injuries.

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Do you speak alien? Hola.

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What's worse than finding a worm in Your apple?? A pile of dead babies

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This is Jeff and I gots to take a HUGE SHIT. I bet its gonna be smelly and runny. After I wipe I'm gonna lick it and taste it. I bet it tastes GOOD. I hope it has a lil blood in it too.

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Why did the blonde put tip-ex on the computer screen? To spite her physically abusive husband

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How do you kill a pirate? Throw him of a bridge

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How do you make a fat kid cry? You hold an onion up to their face.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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An alphabet walks into the post office and asks for a letter. What does the postal worker give the alphabet? Nothing. Alphabets can't walk.

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Listen pretty lady, NO WHAT WE HAVE BEEN DOING FOR LIKE SIXTEEN HOURS OR SOMETHING NON STOP STRAIGHT, IS VERBOTEN! Honestly, for me its a bit of a requirement, sure girls can go all like "But you are like friendzoned to me now", but then I... Hmm, you know, not a womanizer,my wife has the right word for it, I am a seducer.... Suddenly I do not like the sound of that, actually Its not a bit of a requirement, it is TOTALLY a requirement. Say, does it bother you when I mention my wife like at randomness?

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Wanna hear a joke? Sure. Me too.

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What do you call a 400 pound man eating chocolate? diabetic

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What did Helen Keller say? Obcojbcidjbcidjbdijcbd

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Making jokes about 9/11 is just plane wrong.

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I scream. You scream. We all scream. Because there is a rapist in the room.

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Q. There were 2 Mexicans in a car, who was driving it? A. The police officer.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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A cat jumped out of a tree. It died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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