Person A - you must be tired, cuz you've been running though my mind all day Person B - i have no legs...

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why didn't the busy San Francisco business man hear his alarm clock ring this morning? A nuclear bomb blast occurred 700 meters from his front door. The estimated blast radius was approximately 100 square miles. Naturally, his alarm clock didn't make it.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How did Jimmy get hit by the car? He dropped his Ice cream cone.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

a woman gives birth at the hospital in china and then the doctor comes in and says doctor- i have good news and bad news for your baby mother-what is it doctor- bad or good mother-bad doctor-the bad news is that the baby is a girl and the good news is that your baby has cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +13

DONT READ THIS. YOU WILL BE KISSED ON THE NEAREST POSSIBLE FRIDAY BYrnTHE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE.TOMMOROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. NOWrnYOU'VE STARTED READING THIS. DON'T STOP. THIS IS SO FREAKY.rn1. say your name ten times.rn2.say your mom's name five times.rn3. say your crushes three timesrn4. paste this to four other groups.rnIf you do this, your crush will kiss you on the nearest Friday.rnBut if you read this and do not paste this, then yournwill have very bad luck.rnSEND THIS TO 5 GROUPS IN 143 MINUTES. WHENrnYOU'RE DONE PRESS F6 AND YOUR CRUSH'S NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERSrnON THE SCREEN. THIS IS SO FREAKY BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY WORKSrnrnrn

thumb_up thumb_down -40

What did the boy say during his math test? Nothing, talking during a test is prohibited.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats louder than a dinosaur? 2 Dinosaurs

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Where does the Queen of England live? England.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did the man with leprosy say to the prostitute? Keep the tip

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What would Steve Jobs be doing today if he were alive? Dying.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's funnier than a midget bungie jumping? Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +6

why did the chicken cross the road. to get to the other side. but it didnt. ROADKILL

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you you call a mexican that jumped the border? successful

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you get a black man out of a tree? Politely say "Hey you, get out of the tree."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A pilot walks into a bar just before his last flight of the day. "Give me a stiff one to get through this last flight, I've had a long day," the pilot tells the bartender. The bartender promptly refuses the pilot service and kicks him out of the bar, since operating an aircraft under the influences of alcohol would at least constitute gross negligence and at worst, murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the car? Robin, get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you cure a person that claims cannot say no to anything? Treatment: *locks door* NOW SAY NO TO ME! BUAHAHAHAHA! Patient: NO I CANT!!! You care cured! *opens door* NEXT!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you call a goose with no arms? A goose

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's The Difference Between A Refridgerator And The Holocaust ? Not Much.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

What do you call an blank test? an F

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A Christian asks God why there is so much pain and suffering in the world. Everyone around him moves away from the grown man talking to his imaginary friend.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What Do You Call The White House When Obama Is President? What? The White House.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How many dead babies fit into a bathtub? I honestly don't know, as I have never tested this out, nor do I plan to because I would like to not handle the bodies of poor deceased infants.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops