Knock Knock ************************** No-one's home

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Do you have to make frequent trips to the bathroom? Do you have a weak or broken stream? Do you leave the bathroom feeling satisfied? Do your frequent trips to the bathroom interrupt everyday activities? Well you should take Lunesta and just sleep. Then you wouldn't have this problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did Emily sit in a lonely corner? Because she just wanted to okay!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why wasn't the cab driver sent to prison after bombing the school? It was a suicide bombing.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

If I have 10 ice cubes and you have 11 apples, how many pancakes can hit the roof? ...Purple!! Because aliens don't wear hats.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What happened when the man got into the taxi? The driver shot him 17 times in the chest and ran away

thumb_up thumb_down +8

There was a two car pile up at wal-mart. 50 mexicans were killed.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Lukas: can i have a cigarette? Scott: i dont know can you? lukas: may i? Scott: NO

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How do you know when you're on the wrong side of the tracks? You don't. (Wyndellberg)

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why do Squirrels accidentally plant millions of trees. Because they bury their nuts and forget where they are.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Fine, you got me there, I have already made sure that you get your compensation, it is the least thing I can do you let me know if anyone claiming to be part of my order bothers you again, I promise I will personally enforce strict guidelines in order to ensure that such a thing never happens again. I hope you will trust me, I will no longer call it the Order of Nero, but as you know we cannot reveal the true name of our order. I also agree to meet you in person so we can further discuss this impeding situation which I will give top priority. Truth is Nero, that I used to be one of your co workers in the underground, and my attempts at saving what is left might not be as ideal as the goals we are set to achieve are, we simply cannot expect that people excel at greatness at the first go. Of course this grave incident is not even near a "mere lack of greatness" but rather a group of people that yes, sadly have rightfully claimed to be members of our society, yet I need you to come to terms that this was a huge oversight in my vision for a new and "improved" underground society, and not a intentional attack at you and your personal security. I submit to your demands, and I ask that you partake in a small number of meetings where we can all discuss and further develop the necessary guidelines required to further solidify our foundation.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What did the cow say to the other cow? Moo.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the turtle fall out of the car? It forgot to buckle up

thumb_up thumb_down

Did you hear about the one about the man who walked into the library? He likes reading

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you get twenty black men in a tiny car? Saw them into pieces.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A cow walks into a bar and says, "moo."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks: dude, what happened to your eye? The man replies: abuse.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

bunnies are fluffy just like yo mama

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you say to two cows? Hey cows.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

how did the horse fall into the river? he sliped

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What rhymes with car? Not kangaroo

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did Jay-Z rob a bank? Wait, nevermind. Jay-Z didn't rob a bank.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have chlamydia, and now so do you!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

a women picks up her phone and screams! There were 3 missed calls from her mother-inlaw

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops