i woke up in the middle of the night and my entire bed was wet... know what i did? i layed a towel down and went back to sleep

thumb_up thumb_down +13

wsde

thumb_up thumb_down -9

An Irishman walked into a bar, except he would call it a pub, because there are slight differences in vocabulary in different regions, 37 minutes later he walked home safely, fed his cat, read some pages of a book he had been reading, turned the light off and went to bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

So after 2 years of dating, the man thought the woman actually loved him. So to find out they took a ski trip and during their day they were on the chairlift and the man asked the woman "Do you love me?" The woman replied "No...I'm just in it for the sex, but that's a nice ski mask you have on"

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why did the chicken Cross the road? Because a Blackman was chasing his dinner

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a politician on fire? A tragic death for the American public..

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What do you call an art history major with a job? A gainfully employed member of society, who assuredly benefited from his access to higher education. It is also possible that he was chosen for the position because of acquaintances or family members who were also employed by the company, but many people would consider it impolite to bring up this possibility, as it might be construed as denigrating the aforementioned individual or his chosen field of study.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock Knock Who’s there? Who Who who? Who who who Who who who who? Who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who…

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have AIDS, now so do you.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A women walks into a kitchen.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Knock knock. Who's there? Super Monkey Ball. Super Monkey Ball who? No wonder it's super.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Poop

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the boy get from his grandmother on Christmas. Nothing she died on Thanksgiving.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Your mama's so stupid, she gave birth to YOU.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What happend to the chicken that crossed the road? He got hit by a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What happened when a black lady sat in the front on a bus? She didn't vomit because she could see the road, which helped with her motion sickness. Also the driver got in a better mood because he had company, and the lady was a pleasant person.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

An American, an Irish man, a Chinese man and a Black man walk in to a Bar, the Bartender takes their order

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why was Timmy crying? Because he got raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

The Arrowtongue commands the road like a semi-truck. But the Gyrosprinter corners on a dime.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the homeless child get for Christmas? Leukemia

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

knock knock! whos there? me! me who? thats right! whats right? meehoo! thats what i want to know! whats what you want to know? me who? yes, exactly! exactly what? yes, i have an exactlywatt on a chain! exactly what on a chain? yes! yes what? no, exactlywatt! thats what i want to know! i told you--exactlywatt! exactly what? yes! yes what? yes, its with me! whats with you? exactlywatt--thats whats with me! me who? yes! Go away! knock knock.....

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Knock Knock! "Use the friggin' doorbell!"

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why wouldnt NASA send a blackman into space without a space suit? Because space is a vacuum there is no air no atmosphere the tempurature is almost zero kelvin so if you ever go out int space please dont take off your helmet out there because you would freeze to death almost instantaniously.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops