What do you call a submarine full of soldiers shot by a torpedo? Tragic war heros, that we will remember and honor

thumb_up thumb_down -38

A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, "Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won't be able to kick a football any more." The woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon." The doctor says, "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more." She begins to cry. "Doctor," asks the woman, "how long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, "Six months." "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then, were you?" Doctor: "YES... they had minor breaks and cuts but both have made full recoveries. I'll get them and your fiancé down here straight away." The woman is relieved and is discharged three days later to continue recuperating at home, while the doctor is sent to a tribunal for tricking her into believing her children had been maimed and eventually accepts early retirement with a generous severance package.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the man steal the little girl? He didn't. She was his daughter and they were driving home after picking up the groceries.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

whats the differnce between madalin macan and batman?...batman returns

thumb_up thumb_down +8

You might be a redneck if someone slaps you on the back of the neck.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What do you call a piece grass just mowed. A black person.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A blonde, a brunnette, and a red head all jump from the top of a building. They all land at the same time because of Newton's 3rd Law

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did Lil' Susie leave her blue rain boots at home? Because she had stumps for legs. To attempt to wear them would only hurt her emotionally.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What would you like to drink? A Pepsi. Is Coca-Cola okay? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I like my coffee like i like my woman, Without a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What do you call a lepucaun leaping in a feild of flowers, on christmas? Ground beef.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Beethoven! It is true? Did you really lose your hearing? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What is pink and fuzzy? Pink fuzz

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you get a one armed Polish man out of a tree? With a ladder, he needs help.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Cows make a world go round and round They also live in the town town town They make a funny sound sound sound MOO MOO MOO MOO MOO Where do cows go on saturdays? The MOOvies I am Cow Hear me MOO I weigh 10 times more than you! Why are cows black and white? Cause they dont want to be racist

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Knock Knock. Who's there? I don't know, you answer the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

roses are red, violets are blue, no one cares, your adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down +391

What's worse than a worm in your apple? The Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What did David's mom give him for his birthday? Nothing he hasn't seen her in eight years.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

david weres the slug gone

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the difference between God and Kanye West? God doesn't think he's Kanye West.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a black guy surrounded by a gang of white guys? I don't know, maybe if you asked him his name you would find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops