How do you cure AIDS? You can't.

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Two chairs were sitting there. One chair says "Could you pass me that cup?" The other chair says "Oh my God a talking chair!"

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How many licks does it take for a pedophile to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Given a simple random sample of pedophiles, they will most likely have the same statistical standard normal distribution of tongue sizes and saliva efficacy as any other part of the population. Therefore, that question in regards to the tongues of pedophiles is irrelevant and remains unanswered.

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If you put a bee in the freezer, it will get cold and fall asleep. After it’s asleep, put it in your mouth, but don’t eat it. Just let it sit there. It will get warm and wake up. Now you have a bee in your mouth.

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Q: what did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? A: We're both lawyers!

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A schizophrenic walks into a bar. He has dual personalities and does not realize that he has murdered his family.

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A black guy and a white guy are in a fight, who wins The white guy because they were in a fight over when the black guy was going to die.

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Single man, interested in women. Profession: Particle Physicist. Looking for: A strong interaction with a strange, charming woman. One who will ride both up and down the roller-coaster of a relationship, that is not fussy about being top or bottom and that is not impartial to the many flavours of life. I look forward to you spinning me around; Yours Sub-atomically, Professor Quark.

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How do you get clean dishes? You wash them.

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What did the mute guy say to the deaf guy? Nothing. He can't talk, just makes awful noises and hand gestures.

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Q. What is the difference between a bird and a fly? A. A bird can fly, but a fly can't.

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Why couldn't the woman give her sister a present? Because she just got eaten by zombies.

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Two men are walking along the Great Wall of China. "Do you know how many years it took to build this?" one man asked. "Yes," the other replied. "Me too."

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whats funny and has four wheels? A handicapped 11 year old boy getting raped by his father

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Roses are red violets are blue, he is for me and not for you, he's too ugly you can have him

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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why did the monkey fall? he got hit by a train

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Q: what do you call a muslim driving a plane? I don't know A: 9/11

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Why don't people like this joke? It makes no sense.

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Your dad walked into a bar. It was a gay bar.

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What did the octopus say to the squid? Nothing, considering these two species can't speak.

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Politely ask him to come down

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Why did the butcher have blood on his hands? He murdered his daughter.

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Did you hear about the 2 car crash in a walmart parking lot? 50 mexicans died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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