Knock-Knock Who's there? The The Who? The Beatles!

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Q: Whats the difference between me and a ghost? A: Ghosts arnt dolphins!

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What do you call a Muslim Extremest at the bottom of the ocean? A terrible tragedy for the Muslim community.

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Knock knock. Its open.

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What happened to the boy who survived a tragic car accident?? He stepped out of the car and got hit by a semi.

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Why was the woman out of the kitchen? She was at her mother's funeral.

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A man gets hit by a car. His family is sad and plans a funeral.

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A black guy, a mexican, and an arab are all in the same car, Whos driving the car? The black guy because he politely offered and his friends were happy to ride with him.

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Skittles are tasteless. Why? You can't taste the rainbow.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Shes dead.

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A man trips on an old bottle. He picks it up and out pops a genie. "I will grant you three wishes!" says the genie. "Whatever you so desire is my com--" "I'm already late for a meeting!" shouts the man. He drops the bottle and continues on.

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What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing, fruit can't talk.

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My girlfriend told me "Give me twelve inches and make it hurt" I ejaculated prematurely and fell asleep.

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why didnt the black guy die on the bus fire? The fire was in the front of the bus!

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Uh, Liz, he is staring at the screen... He says you are right and knows, so he cant get mad, ill trust you both, but it better work, or this one is on me. Oh by the way, yeah he is eating, sorry its late here, and I am the only nurse here about now Ironically this place is full of doctors but they dont seem to give a crap about the man that pays their checks. Doctors said no, Nero said "you are fired" Doctor changes his opinion, glad to see he is taking charge around here, I am just worried about his sleep, he is beginning to halucinate and I doubt any stimulants will help. But fine, ill trust you, sorry, really shaking my boots here, I really do not want to, but this is not about me.

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Can apples get viruses? No, they are a fruit, and fruit cannot get viruses.

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fruit salad?

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Why did the gay man not walk straight? Because I took a jack hammer to his foot

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What is the difference between a pig and a crow? One is a animal that Is butchered to be eaten as a wonderful meat product. And the other is a pretentious asshole bird that no one likes.

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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of course," replies the second man. I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again."

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey.

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Roses are red but violets arent blue!!!!!

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What did Santa say when he came to drop off your toys? Nothing. Santa doesn't exist.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill all his friends and family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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