Q: what did the common cold say to the cough? A: you are SO annoying!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Chuck Norris is so tough, he trained diligently for many years and is now a widely respected martial artist

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Sometimes, people ask me, "Do you always have to be so obnoxious?" And to that I reply, "I don't always, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis." Stay thirsty, my friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Very, very hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A terminte walks into a pub and ask is the bar tender here?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

How many babies does it take to fill a ditch? Six if you pack them in really tight.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's weird about four black men in a toilet? No one got shot.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews are productive members of society. -Canis

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A blonde, brunette, and redhead find a cliff that is supposed to turn you into something which you exclaim upon leaping from the cliff. The brunette jumps off and exclaims: BIRD! She thus falls to her death on a ton of pointy rocks. The other two loot her corpse and walk away.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Finding two worms. What's worse than finding two worms in your apple? Dying from cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was 6 afraid of seven? Seven brutally abused and raped 6 as a child.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

what did Russell wilson get for Christmas a seahawk..

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Roses are red Violets are red I murdered the gardener

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's worse than one cat stuck in a tree? Getting raped

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Doctor, Doctor, I feel like there's two of me! There's not. Your long lost twin died of terminal cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Are you from Tennessee? cuz i wanna makeout with your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the little boy fall off the swing? He didn't have any arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do Robbers Get for Christmas? Other peoples things.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

so theres this big moose, and it walks into a convenience store and asks the lady bitch "where are the potatoes?" and she says "ehh, down aisle 5" so he goes down isle five, and there aint no potatoes

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How many pianos does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to play a motivational tune.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

when life gives you 100 reasons to cry, you should cry. you're lucky you haven't killed yourself at this point

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A boat sinks in the ocean, what does the sailor do? Nothing, he wasn't on the boat.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops