What did John's girlfriend get him for their 5 year anniversary? Proactive because his acne bothers her.

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A man took his son out to play catch. The boy didn't even try to catch the ball. After that the man took his son to the amusement park to have fun. The boy didn't even try to have fun. Then the man took his son to the burger place nearby. Once again the son didn't even touch his food. Finally the man lost his temper and beat his seemingly ungrateful son and cried over the fact that his son was mentally retarded.

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Why is the baby not crying? Because it died of herpes. JUST KIDDING! Babies can't get herpes.

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Did you know that onions is the only food that makes you cry? Oh? Really? Positive. what if I threw a coconut at you're face. ...

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Elise's parents have four children. The first's name is April, the second's name is May, the third's name is June. What's the fourth children's name ? July. Elise is adopted, and thus does not count.

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why did jimmy fall off the swing? because he was a tree.

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why did the woman leave her husband? after years of mental and physical abuse she has decided to remove herself from the situation

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I walked into temptation yesterday, He said hi.

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How did the two friends cross the busy road? They couldn't, because that would be considered jay-walking

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Why do people like vacations? To get out of your family

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Why did moral man run out of morals? Moral: LEAVE MORAL MAN ALONE! BUAHAHAHA LEAVE HIM ALONE! BUAAAAAAAAHAHAHA!

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What do you find at a black guys yard sale? A bunch of reasonably priced items since he comes from a low income household.

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What do you call a group of angry unemployed black guys? The NBA

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Q: Why did the bird fall out of the tree? A: It was dead Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was stapled to the bird

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There once was a man from Peru. Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. I shot him in the head. With a bullet made of lead. And now he's dead. No more shoe ingestion

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What's wrong with the axe murderer that lives down the street?? Nothing.

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Teacher: Be creative and original! Student A: Teacher, why do you want us to change our monikers? I'm fine the way I am. After all, I'm unique... just like everybody else... Teacher: Why don't I have the brilliant children? Student B: Chance/randomness plays a large part in our everyday lives. Take for example the life of Bob- a paragon for human normality. He gets up in the morning each and every single day to be greeted by an arbitrary occurrence. Although it sometimes serves Bob good, it could also aggrandize his human well of detriment. Teacher, do you want me to continue? Teacher: I retract my earlier statement. Some of the children are brilliant, but most are not. Hence I'm going to say that I have a normal class of students. Student B: Teacher, you didn't answer my last question of which I addressed to you specifically.

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BBC have a new porn channel. C Boobies...

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What did the boy say during his math test? Nothing, talking during a test is prohibited.

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Why is Ellen so funny? Because she is a comedian.

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How are eagles and jellyfish the same? They both fly but jellyfish don't.

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A man walks into a bar The bar now has a hole in it.

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Your mother is so fat that when she sits around the house she is likely to be there for some time.

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Why dont dinosaurs speak english? Because a meteor hit the earth and ran them into extinction

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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