What did the boy say after he got hit by a bus? Nothing. He's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

No Nero, you see, a great man once told me that happiness is not something you look for and eventually find, but something that you decide that you already are.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q:Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house? A: Neither did she

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Q: Why cant dinosaurs talk A: Because they are dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

2 loaves of bread were in a bar they did nothing as they are inanimate objects

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why was the 7 year old girl crying? Because its hard to laugh during gang rape.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

The Bible

thumb_up thumb_down

A gay man walks into a biker bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you want ice with that?"

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Joker2? Who comes up with the names anyways? Sounds like a stupid version of the matrix... Anyways, I stutter because my nerves are killing me, I cant quit the painkillers cold turkey if I cant sleep without them, besides I am used to physical pain as tragic as that might sound... Its not when you get used to it. I need to know who this Neo-Nero was, for anyone that can tell me, he is not around here at these hours, and during the time he/she I was dead, did considerable damage to my and my orders reputation, I need a face to face talk to someone that would put aside my chosen successor and assume my role, and I wont let that happen again even if it means bruising up this Neo-me a bit.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

how many jews does it take to fit in a mid-size sedan? -5 comfortably.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: What's the Difference between Judaism and Catholicism? A: There are many substantial and vital distinctions between Judaism and Christianity. Of course, there are many similarities as well, primarily because Christianity emerged from Judaism. However, the emergence was not a direct line. Christianity broke from Judaism, forming a new religion, so it is misleading, however comfortable the thought might be, to believe that the two religions are essentially the same, or to see Christianity as the natural continuation of Judaism.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A man walks into a bar and brings a Snickers. He gets a beer, eats the candy, and leaves leaving the wrapper. The bartender is angry with the littering but cleans it up and serves another customer.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why couldn't little Billy jump? He was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +176

Knock knock Who's there? Bill Oh hai come in

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What would George Washington be doing if he was alive today? Scratching and screaming at the bottom of his coffin.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Take part of what?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call a black man on the moon? A problem What do you call 10 black men on the moon? A problem What do you call 100 black men on the moon? A problem What do you call ALL the black men on the moon? A very serious problem. We should probably try and rescue them.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was it okay for the people in the hospital to laugh at the narcoleptic patient? It wasn't. The patients were treated because of moral obligations, but the doctors that laughed were either fired or warned, depending on if they had previous reports of exploitation of patients.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A man finds a lamp and rubs it and a genie pops out and says he'll grant him 3 wishes. The man says "I wish I had a trillion dollars for which I can buy whatever my heart desires" and poof he gets it. The man says "I wish I had a beautiful wife for which I can love forever till the end of time." and poof he gets it. Finally, his 3rd wish he says "I wish I have my own country for which I can rule as king and become the greatest ruler in history." and poof he gets it.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

this is not a joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, drinks it, and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

One fish... Two fish... Red fish... I have AIDs

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many watermelons did the black man have? Too many to count, he was a farmer and his primary crop was watermelons.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops