what language does the turtle speak? i dont know I'm not a turtle.

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why did the 60 year old touch the little boy's penis? because he was a doctor.

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A doctor walks into a bar. It's his day off and decides to celebrate after a long week of working.

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What did the farmer say to the woodchucks chucking his wood? Excuse me, not to be rude but i worked very hard splitting and stacking that wood and would appreciate it if you would stop throwing it in the water.

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Why'd the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was tied to the first one.

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why is the asian still in the driveway? her car broke down

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Why was Jesus able to walk on water? Because he was the son of God and therefore devine, he can do whatever he pleases

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What do you say to a black man in the morning? Good morning

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Two men walked into a bar. The third transformed into a duck and flew away.

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Rose: Mummy, why did you name me Rose? Mother: Because a rose fell on your head when you were a baby Daisy: Mummy, why did you name me Daisy? Mother: Because a daisy fell on you when you were a baby Fridge: durr hurr Mother: Shut up, Fridge

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Roses are red Violets are blue Its 2 in the morning Go the f+%& to sleep.

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What did the lover say to his lover? I love you

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Q:How many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A:Just Juan.

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Knock knock. The door was not answered because, rather than rapping upon the door with his knuckles twice consecutively, Joseph simply said the onomatopoeia verbs vocally. He intended to wish his neighbor and dear friend of twenty years the best of luck with his current situation, as his neighbor had been recently divorced from a marriage of forty-eight years. Joseph then walked home, because intruding upon his friend's privacy would have befuddled him even further.

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How did the black man get a new television? He worked hard and put away a small percentage of his weekly wage in order to save for this new addition to his household.

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What did the man say to his wife when he bought a dog? I bought a dog.

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What's green and blue? yellow

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What do you call a black man in space? an astronaut

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What's brown and Rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre

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So a man walks into a bar, he meets a few friends, has a few beers, and at the end of the night he calls a cab to drive him home

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I saw a chameleon. Then it died

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Why do jews have long noses? Because they received the genetic alleles from their parents that cause the nose to grow longer.

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Dude! That movie was so gay! It had a bunch of naked men having sex with other naked men!

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Why can't Kim and Arnold get childern ? because they are 2 stones.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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