Q: Whats Long, Black and Smells? A: Sh*t

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How do you make a plumber cry? Murder his family.

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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What do you call an unexpected pregnancy? A defective condom.

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a young mother cow died in a street crossing by a large oil truck, she was never buried and became infested with maggots in the next few days

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Why couldn't Scruffy get out from under the car? It had parked on his skull.

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What's green, fuzzy, and can kill you if it fell from a tree? A pool table.

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Whats worse than a pile of dead babies? A live on at the bottom.

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What did the German say to the Rabbi? Hello. The German was also Jewish

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Why couldn't Timmy go to the bathroom? He was constipated.

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Brett Favre sent me a pic of his penis. I then compared it to my own and felt good about my general ackage size

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere.

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what's the difference between a black man and a tricycle well the black man's a human

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What's worse than a tree getting cut down? This joke.

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why'd the chicken cross the road It didn't, it was safely placed inside a chook house

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What's the difference between me and convicted pedophile? -The pedophile's been caught ;)

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If you search "fat black man" on Google, you will find many reesults about black people who happen to be chronicly obese.

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What's the difference between a lesbian and a Pringle ? One is a snack cracker, the other is a crack snacker.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, it was Friday night (or Halloween or St. Patty's Day) and the chicken was at a party. He got totally drunk, and then got the bright idea that it would be okay to drive home. On a rural two-lane highway, his vehicle careened into the oncoming traffic lane, and then the ditch, thus crossing the road. Fortunately, he walked away with only a few scratches. However, he was cited for wreckless driving, and got a DUI as well.

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What shakes and twitches and can be found at the sea bottom? A scuba diver running out of oxygen.

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How did Jonny die We don't know he was never found

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What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind? His teeth.

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Why was Joseph Kony at a primary school ? It was 3 o'clock and his children had just finished a long hard day learning to read and right and it was his turn to pick them up after him and misses Kony developed a schedule one late night after the odd glass of wine or two.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops