What do dead babies and trash both have in common? They're both in my dumpster.

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What does Yoko Ono say while rehearsing her song before a concert? She gives directions to the band.

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One scientist is talking to another scientist. One say "what's the matter?" The other replies "my family is dead"

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Why can't vampires go out in the sun? Becuase they don't exist.

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Bariande: I have a belly button Kraken: haha who doesnt? MissAwkward: i dont Barinade: neither do i. haha this happened on tiny chat.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. You are a prostitute. I have a dollar.

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Two women that are both blonde were driving together down a hill. Suddenly, the brakes fail and one blonde says "Oh no, we're gonna crash. The blonde in the passenger seat says "Don't worry, there's a stop sign." Then the blonde driver says "I'm not dumb okay, that's yield sign.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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Q: you wanna hear a joke? A: yeah sure. Q: well im not gnna.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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I tried to play soccer a long time ago. I didn't score and managed to get red card... Then I realized it was not my thing

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When Geese fly in their 'V' formation, why is one line bigger than the other? There's more geese in that line.

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Two fish are sitting in a tank. One says, "I'll man the guns. You drive."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was suicidal.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse, incapable of understanding the human language promptly shits on the floor then leaves.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartenders says, "why the long face?" The horse doesn't respond because horses do not comprehend English. He then becomes startled by his surroundings and bolts out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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A drunkard stumbles into the bar. Now he's got thousand's of dollars in medical bills.

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How is a raven like a writing desk? Both have absolutely nothing to do with the other one.

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How do you kill a blonde? Stab her repeatedly in the chest with a ball point pen

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Your mom is so skinny that she may have anorexia, yet she could treat it so she doesn't die.

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A mentally disabled person asked a tree, "Are you a tree?" the tree didn't say anything because it can not speak.

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how do u wake up lady gaga? poke her face

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What did the horse say to the other horse? neh

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What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon? You don't call him anything... You call for help.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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