How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you thro them

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watched pride and prejudice last night. I hate period dramas... too much blood

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." Then there is silence and a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone the guy says "I shot in the air and my friend heard it and moved. I think he's still alive." The operator says "Good that means he's still breathing and he's not dead."

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what did the homeless man get for christmas hyperthermia

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Why did the white guy feel awkward at the black people convention? He didn't know anyone there

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The funniest thing happened in my dream last night, i dreamed that banks would stop ripping people off and start treating people like humans. How wierd is that :D

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too bad about that wild ball, you otherwise played a fantastic softball game

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what did the black, asian and jew have in common? Believe it or not, they all liked cantoulope.

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What did the black do when a man robbed his house? He called 911

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What do you get when you stab Al with a sword? At

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Why the hell does my sister shower in a swimsuit every time? Its not as if anyone is looking! ALRIGHT! ONCE ALRIGHT? ONLY ONCE! But then she hears the sound of my zipper ONCE and the shit hits the fan! Which is weird, yeah suuure she hears it when I pull it up, but when I pull it down and stroke it and moan? Nada!

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How many blonds douse it take to change a light bulb I dont know it hasn't happened yet

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Two pretzels were walking down the street when one got assaulted...

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple?

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Q: Whats Long, Black and Smells? A: Sh*t

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How do you make a plumber cry? Murder his family.

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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What do you call an unexpected pregnancy? A defective condom.

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a young mother cow died in a street crossing by a large oil truck, she was never buried and became infested with maggots in the next few days

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Why couldn't Scruffy get out from under the car? It had parked on his skull.

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What's green, fuzzy, and can kill you if it fell from a tree? A pool table.

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Whats worse than a pile of dead babies? A live on at the bottom.

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What did the German say to the Rabbi? Hello. The German was also Jewish

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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