A Jewish man and a blonde were in a DIY store, the man buys a box of screws. The woman gets a phone call to find out her son is late for tennis training. She then hangs up the phone and leaves the DIY store with great hast.

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what is worse than 10 dead babies in a trash can? 11 dead babies in a trash can

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What is the first thing you should do when a person is choking? Make sure the person is choking How can you tell if a person is choking? If he's going like this: aaghh gaghhg agghhh gaghhhhh ghghaghghgh

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How do you confuse a blonde? take the albuterol

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Hey, you want to hear an anti-joke? yeah, sure. .....well, too bad!

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Knock knock! I'm in the shower, i'll be there in 5 minutes

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The awkward when you didn't actually say moment.

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What did the general say before the soldiers got in the tank? Get in the tank

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What is green and has 4 wheels?... Grass, I lied about the wheels

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Why did the tomato blush? It didn't, tomatoes are naturally red by colour.

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An underaged man walks into a bar. He orders a beer, but the bartender says we don't serve minors. The boy then rushes out if the bar for fear of being caught.

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Why did the train crash? Because the conductor was a cucumber.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? lts of stuff like murder, rape, slavery, poverty, mindcontrol, mass genocide, the holocaust, racism, plagarism, physichal assault, war, terrorism, massacres, onsloughts, necrophillia, the dead rising, zombies, jokes on antijokes.com, awkward situations, dieing, cancer, ADHD, other mental illnesses, paint, the grim reaper, shinigami, stereotyping foreigners, prejudicism, bullying, armed robbery, hacking, viruses, incest, feral animals, getting lost in the forest, arsonry, pyromania, passing out in a bar, meeting a serial killer, and finding 2 worms in your apple.

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How many blodnes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Approximately 17. with the addition of 6 brunettes.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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Why is limety snicket a kike pussy? cuz will ferrell shit in his asshole

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I just witnessed a horrible accident today! It was like a silent movie, but with SOUND!!!!

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knock knock who's there? pizza man ok

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What will happen if your heart skips 10 beats? Nothing. You're dead.

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Three Blondes were walking when they come upon some tracks. The first blonde says they're deer tracks. The second blonde says they're elk tracks. The last blonde says they're moose tracks. While they are all arguing about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

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Your MUM has aids :D LOL

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why did the chair brake? because a car smashed into it. where did it go? all the way to china. whats 3+4? why did the Chinese man get this wrong? Because a chair was in his head.

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A baby gets hit by a bus.

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three men walked into a bar, two walked out... One walked into a metal pole and died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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