How many elephants can you fit in a car? Five. Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.

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Do they have a fourth of July in England? Yes, but it is just a sad reminder to them that all the cool people left for America.

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What do you call it when a cigarette is brown instead of white? A cigarette that is or has been damp so that the nicotine was able to bleed into the paper and dye it.

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I AM SHOWERING IN THE BLOOD AND ORGANS OF ENDORPHIN RUSH IN ORDER TO APPEASE THE GODS KNOWN AS... ME, MYSELF, AND I!

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A: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Q: None! They shouldn't have to...

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When life gives you lemons you get sugar and water and make some good lemonaide.

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My wife was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. Yeh I didnt find it very funny either.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The interrupting doctor. The inter-- --You have cancer.

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How to you confuse an Alzheimer's patient? Present her with a complicated nuclear physics problem.

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Why did the women cover up her vaginal area? She was with her friends, queefed, and was extremely self conscious.

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I'm a like whore

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Four gay men go to a bar and enjoy a drink celebrating their long lived platonic relationship.

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You know what's funny? A bucket full of dead babies. Do you know what's funnier? The last one is still alive and crying.

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Where were guinea pigs created? Probably in Guinea Land or something.

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An Italian man with a very thick accent decides to travel to America. On arriving, he decides to take a taxi and tour the nearby city. The man, feeling hungry after a while, chooses to stop at a bakery. Upon entering the bakery, the man walks up to the display of bread, and points at the loaves of bread he wanted, calling to the baker "I want 2 piece." The baker, not understanding the man's accent asks the man to repeat what he said. So the man repeats, "I want 2 piece, right here, right now." "Sure thing," the baker says, and gives the man the loaves of bread.

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Whats white, fat, and looks like a horse? An albino horse who apparently has a high chance of diabetes.

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Whats a never ending Opium for the stupid, mentally depraved un educated population? Christianity

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Roses are black Violets are black Oh fuck I'm blind!

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How much Cocaine did Charlie Sheen do? A lot!

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Too many because they are babies and they don't have the motor skills to properly use a paintbrush.

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whats better than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees whats better than 1 baby nailed to 10 trees? 10 trees nailed to 1 baby

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why did the circus boy not do his homework? because he was in a coma.

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Guess what happened when a man took off his jumper?? He became cold!

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How much does Michael Vick love his dogs? More than Casey Anthony loved her daughter.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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