What do you call cheese that's not yours? Stolen Property.

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Whats worse than one dead guy? 2 dead guys

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No!

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Why did the squirrel fall out of a tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of a tree? It was cruelly stapled to the first one.

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Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

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How do you know if you're gay? You find yourself sleeping with people of the same sex.

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Why couldn't Little Timmy see the pirate movie? Because Little Timmy was blind.

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What do clowns put on bagels? Cream Cheese

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What smells like satans pubic hair and dresses like a woman? Vinny Trolia

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Guy finds lamp in the desert and rubs it three times. No genie appears because there's no such thing as magic.

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A rooster is standing on top of a pointed bird house. He lays an egg. Which side does the egg fall, the left or the right? I don't care, I'm a vegetarian.

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Student: This guy is bothering me! Teacher: And you expect me to do something about it?

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What do you tell the woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice.

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What do you call an Asian man in a car? A motorist.

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A man walks into a bar, sits down and talks to the woman sitting next to him. The woman took out a cigarette, and offered one to the man. The man said yes, even though he never smoked before, because he was trying to get with the woman. They smoked a few more before the woman left, and the man left shortly after. The man became a chain smoker and died 1 year later from lung cancer caused by smoking multiple packs a day.

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HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH

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What did the Catholic Priest say to Chris Hanson? Nothing. He attempted to flea, and was quickly taken down by law enforcement. He was then detained and processed and charged with Intent to commit statutory rape with a minor under the age of 14. He's still awaiting trial.

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What did one child say to the other child? We both are kids.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? The Police The Police who? We're sorry Ma'am your son has died in a car accident... --------- Knock Knock! Who's there? Not your son

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A Jewish man walks into an ice-cream shop. Using the money he ha eared from his full time job, he orders a chocolate ice-cream in a waffle cone.

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Why did the woman spray a black man in the eyes with pepper spray, then promptly run away? Because the woman was a notorious criminal and was currently robbing the man's house, but was caught in the act so she used pepper spray as her last line of defense while she fled from the scene before the man could call the police to detain her and put her in prison for her crimes.

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I'd type a joke about dicks but it's too long.

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Two penguins were taking a bath. One said "pass the soap." The second penguin replied, "What do you think I am, a typewriter?"

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How do you get a clown off a swing Hit it with an axe.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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