Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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WHat did Helen Keller get for Christmas? an ipod

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Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Boys go to Jupiter because they're already smart enough to achieve interplanetary space travel.

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the best thing about an anti-joke is when the punch line doesn't hit you, you feel no pain

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Why could the girl climb out of the pool? She drowned

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Who are you texting? YOUR MOTHER.

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Roses are red, violets are blue my name is clearance, and i have to poo

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BF:Roses r red Violets r blue a face like ur's shuld b i n the zoo but dont worry i'll be there but not in the cage but laughing at u. GF:Wanna c a magic trick? POOF ur single

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A black man killed someone

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Why did the chicken cros- oh he got hit by a car.

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What do a purple cow and a red fire engine have in common? Both like eating pizza on Fridays, except for the red fire engine.

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Why was the fat guy so sad? Because he knew he would die sooner or later, just like every other human being

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What sits in the corner of a room and gets smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.

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What's worse than being forced to drink your own urine and eat a disabled kids poop? James Holmes (Ironic that the text I had to type in to post this was "I'M BATMAN".)

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How much does a polar bear weigh?. . .Approximately 515 kilos.

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Q: Why didn't the man give money to the homeless person on the sidewalk? A: Because he thought that he was faking it. Two days later the homeless person died in an alleyway from starvation. Nobody was there to witness it, and the body was never found.

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3 guys and 2 women walk into a bar and sat down........... good to see both sex`s were welcome in the bar

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What did one volcano say to the other? Hey.... wana get some lunch... later, not now of course it's WAAAAY TOO EARLY!

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A baby seal walks into a club. The man holding the club skins him and makes a lot of money.

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Guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He goes to the restroom and urinates. He comes back and orders another drink. He goes to the restroom again and urinates. He comes back and orders another drink. Guess what happens next? A. He goes to the restroom to urinate B. He buys another drink C. He flirts with a very attractive lady D. Goes home and masturbates

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knock knock, whos there? your neighbor's cat..no not really, but your sister just got raped

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Why shouldn't you download music? Various reasons.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme but this one doesn't

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why did justin go to maddie parris house to fuck her.....

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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