Roses are red Violets are blue Flesh is green When the dead start to rise you're on my team

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cool story babe. now go make me a sammich.

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What kind of coffee did they drink on the Titanic? They didn't. They all died.

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Who would win if Chuck Norris and God fought to the death? None they are both fictional.

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A man walks into a bar and see's a 12 inch pianoist. He walks to the bar tendar and asks "Where'd you get it" The bar tendar says we have a genie in the back. So the man walks back the and wishes for 12 million BUCKS , The genie gives him 12 million DUCKS, The man walks back out and said " I asked for 12 million BUCKS not 12 million DUCKS and the bar tendar says do you really think i asked for a 12 inch pianoist?

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Hi my name is Bob

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What's big and messy? A big mess

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What the difference between a black person and a piece of shit in a bucket? The bucket

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Why did the whale cross the ocean? To reproduce as a way of life.

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A man named Joe has practiced drawing cartoon characters his entire life. When Joe turns 15 he decides to enter a local drawing competeiton. Joe works very hard drawing his cartoon and finally finishes. When it is the time to hand in his drawing his drawing, he hands it in an receives a satisfying 2nd place and continues on with his life. Two years later Joe decides to enter another drawing competeiton (this one much more competitive) after his drawing skills have tremendously increased. He begins drawing and is 3/4 of the way finished when Joe is brutally murdered by a mentally disturbed man and cannot hand in his art work and is therefore disqualified from the competeiton and loses.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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one time when i bought a sonic blast they gave me a regular? size spoon and i was like this is a huge inconvenience.

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Guy 1: I had a Energy Drink the other day, I crashed. Guy 2: Really? That must of sucked. Guy 1: Yeah, the family in the other car died.

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What came in like a wrecking ball? A wrecking ball.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? ....Mrs Murray silently returned to her armchair, a single tear rolling down her weathered cheek. Her lonely existence deepened, as she realised the gang of boys had fooled her again.

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What is the biggest lie in the universe? "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service"

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Why do Chinese people smell? Because of their ethnicity...plus, they smell.

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One day, a bear happoned across a man and said "How do you do today good sir?" but the man ran away screaming "OH CRAP, BEARS!!!!" because it just sounded like bear growling (which i would love to dedicate to my friend Chris Bradley, just to make the ball to stick ratio too high)

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Most people like to drink beer, others do not.

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A man walks into a library looking for books on poor punchlines. The Librarian directs him to the appropriate section.

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How many Azheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!

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What did the serial killer eat for breakfast? You.

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what do dead babies and turkeys have in common? you eat them on ocasions

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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