What kind of a prediction is THAT?

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how do you get your son or daughters attention? break down the door to their room and promptly begin beating them with a wooden baseball and then tie them up to a chair and torture them for 24 hours.

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No, its just his eye, its infected, he gets fever and well, that is all I should say. Nero is my friend and I do not like it when people lie to him, he is outside having a cigarette, I do not think he wants to speak with you anymore. Bye.

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What's funny about a black person, a Jew, and a mexican's graves being side by side? Nothing.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

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there where 3 guys at a magic pool. if you jump in and say anything it appears in the pool. the first guy runs, jumps and says money!! he gets a bunch of money. the second guy runs, jumps and says gold!! he gets a bunch of gold. the third guy runs, slips says SHIT!!!! and lands in the pool.

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Roses are blue Violets are red I got this backwards Carpets are nice

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What did little boy with no arms and no legs get for chrismas: a bike

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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Your mom goes to college. Actually, she graduated a while back!

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What's white and sticky? Snow. What were you thinking of?

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this is a haiku i have no idea where i am going with .... this

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What do you call a black guy that steals a car? A father desperate to save his dying son who doesn't have a car to drive to a hospital

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He said it was a great place to retire.

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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What's red but smells like blue paint? Red paint.

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How do you get a blonde to drown herself? Isolate her in an aqueous environment

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John Stamos.

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A man walked into a bar. He got a head trauma and committed suicide.

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knock knock who's there Scott, Scott who, Scott Rollheiser stole my joke and posted it here.

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Why did Miss Parkinson get hit by a bus? Because it missed Justin Bieber by a few inches.

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You know George Washington? He died.

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What did one dead baby say to the other dead baby? Nothing, they are both dead.

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What is black and hangs from a white supremacists tree? His kids tire swing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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