Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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What's worse than a mentally retarded boy screaming in your ear while your sitting in the waiting room at the doctors? 2 retarded boys screaming in your ears while your sitting in the waiting room at the doctors.

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A guy and a girl look at a dog licking his crotch and the guy utters "damn I wish I could do that" The girl says: I can totally do that! "really? prove it" the guy says. The girl walks towards the dog and says "you just need to pet him so he don't bite you"

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? Nothing his parents died in a tragic car accident the night before

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You ever notice when geese fly in a V there is one line that is always longer than the other? Do you know why that is? Because there are more geese in that line.

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what do you call a girl with a pumpkin spice coffee in her hands? Jenifer

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why did the the chicken cross the road? because some sad,board people wanted to make a joke

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Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, I have Alzheimers, Hey i just met you.

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No really, try this: You: Say "knock, knock" Your friend: OK, knock knock You: Who's there? Your friend: ...... [this awkward pause makes evident the fact that it has now dawned on your friend that he has to generate content for a joke that he wasn't telling in the first place]

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Your mother is so fat that when she goes to the movies, she usually orders popcorn and maybe a drink.

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What's worst then a parking ticket? The plague

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Day turn night. Dreaming is now true . Turn on your flashlight, slenderman is behind you.

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what did the farmer say when he lost his red tractor?

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Why did the circus clown lose his balance? He had a seizure while on his unicycle, fell off, and bumped his head, leading to significant blunt trauma in the brain. Weeks later, after waking up from a coma, the doctors discover that he can no longer speak anything other than gibberish. His friends and family decide that he cannot go on living this way and decide to pull the plug.

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What's the difference between a 1980 mustang and a pile of dead babies? I don't have the mustang in my garage.

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An insane individual walks into a bank and asks for $500. The teller refuses since he doesn't have an account, so the individual pulls out a gun and asks the teller again. The teller presses the silent panic button, causing the cops to show up and arrest the gunman, but not before he manages to shoot the teller and the small child standing next two counters over.

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What did Sammy get for Christmas? Raped.

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How do you get twenty black men in a tiny car? Saw them into pieces.

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what is the best way to stand out from the croud? open up your butt hole and take a video for to put on dat jumbotron

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What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

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Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?

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your mama so old, shes dead.

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What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I chop up an onion.

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What is worse than menopause? Falling down the stairs breaking your next....

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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