why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? you would too if your name was uuhuhuhduhh

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? I don't know. He couldn't open it.

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Why do the lesbians where pants? Because they are extremely comfourtable and the best for cold days

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I scream, You scream, The police come, It's awkward.

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I wont be arriving soon alright, I mean I am a overachiever for many reasons many of them not exactly "gifts" (such as the pain I cant shut up about but focus on other things such as my goal surely keeps my mind occupied enough). Thanks about the looks comment, used to think I was pretty good looking myself, so if I am more than the looks, then I really like that one (I know I am being a bit brash, but I haven't felt this... Better in a long time, and if hell if I will fake low self confidence, modesty is not my thing when I am not in the mood to be charming) By the way, Alice is quoting me, and having a laugh doing so apparently, lets just say I wont be typing myself ever again, my fingers are not... Useful, and honestly typing with one hand was always a bitch. Enough about me, ill have one of "my shadows" send you money for a first class (seriously you have spent enough on me, and now that my city is making a revenue and still advancing, its my turn to return whatever I can) Tell your parents you won the lottery and share some of the money with them I am sending you a bit extra so to speak. And ffs do not worry about my body, not even sure if I will walk again and speaking, well while it hurts (Alice is laughing again) people here concluded I would live for faaar longer than their first prognosis since I never been a fan of shutting up, and as I told them, my mouth will keep yapping about 200 years after I die, so no problemo. Ill send you a first class to... Nvm you take the money, and come around whenev... You know what? Ill send a plane, yeah, because we can afford that, not yours to keep but you know...

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what did the cat say when he walked into a room full of dogs? Get meowt of here!

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What makes women so mystifying and beautiful? Tits.

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Knock knock Who's there? Illiteracy.

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Why doesn't anybody like the octopus? There anti-social creatures by nature

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why did the little girl fall out of the tree? She didnt have any arms

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why couldn't sarah ride the bike? She had cerebral Palsy

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Why did the jew die Really...

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live or die you decide to late time to die

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What's black and hangs from the trees in my backyard? Black berries!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? ....Because based on modern mathematics the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

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i like going to public parks and watching the kids run and yell because they dont know im using blanks

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Sticks and stones may break my bones, But words can leave deep psychological wounds that may never heal.

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? John. John Anderson. Dude we've been friends since first grade! You really don't remember me? I'm going home!

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What did the man say to the horse in the bar? Nothing, communication requires listening and comprehension which horses cannot process in their brains. If anything the man said it at the horse, not to him.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs on the doorstep? The Diabetes man

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"Torture the orphans as much as you want. Who they gonna tell? Their parents?"

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a 7 year old child is watching a show that involves a c0ck, an ass, a bitch, and a bastard......... However this show is completely appropriate for a 7 year old, what could possibly be inappropriate about a chicken, donkey, dog and an orphan?

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A young farmers cow died in an oil burning, The farmer then said to his son; you get the milk ill get the shovel

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Why didn't Anne Frank answer the door? Because it was the German SS.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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