Sittin' on the couch with the morning post With a cold cup of coffee and some boring toast Thinkin' I'm-a change it up, yeah that's always fun What you reckon, Remz? A McDonald's run So we hit the couch cushions, need some dollars, friend Yo, I found a five. Man, that's Canadian. How 'bout a loonie? A twonie? A spoon or The Goonies? Oh, it's 10:25. Dude, you gotta move, G. Got the cash, got the car, got the pedal to the floor Speed limit's 25, but I'm doing 34 Going drive-thru style, man it's fast express You can call it trans fat, I call it happiness Roll up to the teller fella with a minute to spare Frenchy with a headset, "can I take your order?" A McGriddle with a little sweet and sour there, son A McMuffin, then be stuffin' muffins up in my trunk Then a tray or two of hotcakes, man I can't decide, uh... All's I know is hit them things with Aunt Jemimah How 'bout an egg fajita for some Texas flavor No drama but my momma wants a breakfast bagel Don't forget my #4, or there'll be hell to spend And I want them eggs poached like an elephant Frenchy back on the line, "is that all your order?" No it ain't, fool, I want a Coca-Cola! Get my cup of Coke and I'm-a start a riot Cuz on the cup lid, dude depressed the "diet" Check his shirt tag, and I catch the name Brian, I ain't tryin' to drink aspartame Sittin' on the couch, 'bout an hour later Pickin' at a pouch of some Now n' Laters Hardly starving, man, but I find a hunch Start the car up fast because it's time for lunch It just takes two bucks and I get what I need Two beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese "Supersize Me" said he's had enough of it But how is it bad for my heart if I'm in love with it? If you never had McDonald's, heck, well dude you should It's a party, like a Hardee's, except the food is good Just don't get a large #2, I plead with you friend Cuz it'll be a large #2 when you see it again Enter the store, first you holla, then you Pick a couple items off the dollar menu Four hot McNuggets, dessert with custard Mix the sweet n' sour with a squirt of mustard. A Big Mac attack, you can max the lettuce Paying ain't a pain, they take cash or credit Want a water? You can pay up there for spring Or get the free Grimace cup--how embarassing They say, "you're playing with a cardiac arrest, my boy" Only thing bad for my heart's when they forget my toy Now I'm-a have a milkshake, but before you rant It's made of shamrocks--now that's a plant People say it's bad, but I don't believe them McDonald's is peace--just ask Tom Friedman Momma catch me with a 'zine, and she's screaming "stop! Don't you worry, Mom, it's just my man Ray Kroc

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How do you tell if an alien had been in your house? All your lightbulbs are gone and your fridge is pregnant.

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Why did people have cold showers in the old days? Because there was no electricity back then, making it hard to heat water to a temperature that was classified as 'warm'.

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What did Han Solo say to Chewy before they got in the Millennium Falcon? Chewy, get in the ship.

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why dont black people go on cruises? there not falling for that one again

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what do mr. potato head and micheal jackson have in common? their noses come off pretty easily

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I wonder if barrack Obama will rename the whitehouse...to the blue house because it is his favorite color

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What worse that punching a baby? Stabing one.

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What did the little girl do with her puppy? She killed it.

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Whats worse than a pile of dead babies? A live on at the bottom.

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FOLLOW ME @airvvv

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How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a red elephant? Spray paint it blue then shoot it with a blue elephant gun

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A man walks in to a bar, what does he say? Ouch.

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Roses are red,violets are blue, im epileptic sdblkselhvefbed

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Guess what, I have cancer.

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What's funnier than ten dead babies nailed to one tree? Nothing, infant mortality is not a laughing matter.

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Knock, knock. You do realize you can actually physically knock on the door instead of just imitating the sound effect with your mouth, right? It's actually way more effective that way. Just saying, since it's raining outside and you're cold and want to come in...

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Sex is not the answer. Sex is a question. Yes is the answer.

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What's better than seeing a Detroit Lions game? Not being in Detroit.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I threw him

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What do a blonde and a door knob have in common? Everybody gets a turn

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what did the blind man say as he past the fish market? he asked one of the fisherman if they had any fresh catch that day and bout three tuna steaks for his wife and son

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Why did the dinosaur rent a DVD in Redbox about a sex? Because he didn't own a Blu-Ray player.

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Why did the man eat his own shoe? Because it was a tissue box.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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