Why is the chicken on the road? Cuz he died trying to get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Yo Momma so fat, that the doctor prescribed her prescription drugs that deal with her eating disorder and recommended that she begin a low calorie diet and live a more active lifestyle.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the lonely man stop talking? He was alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor?"

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the little girl fall off of the swing? Because she has no arms. Why did the little child orphan with no arms or legs get for christmas? CANCER and for his birthday A.I.D.S. R.I.P little orphan

thumb_up thumb_down -13

The boy wakes up and says "I'm feeling kind of fishy today." The dad come into the sea anemone and says that's because you are, Nemo.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

You know I can, and I already have, as once the mind knows its getting certain medications, it spends the energy required in order to achieve the effect, this is what psychiatrists and those assholes would call "psychological effect". With that said, I am still tired, and the stimulants are waking up my ouchies too, so I think ill get some sleep and dont worry, I can sleep with any stimulants as long as I can use my mind. By the way, my "hypnosis senses" are not hypnosis by themselves, but in order to hypnotize oneself and other, one must learn to read body language and stuff like that, something which I now do subconciously because I am experienced. Alice is calm again, her hands are shaking but she is cold, I am pretty sure she is far more tired than I am, so I kinda ordered her to go home, this guy can type for me. Just want you to know that I am doing fine now, and that the PTSD is much less severe than before as my brain no longer remembers the voice and looks my parents had back then, so I just feel my nose getting punched and breaking, its... Surprisingly annoying, so ill get some sleep, if nothing else it will help Alice get better, and I wont lie, I need it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I hate Mondays, the man said as he drove to work. Fortunately for him, it was a Wednesday.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

The French guy and the Italian guy got in the bar at the same time, but they didn't talk as they didn't know each other.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

did you hear the joke about the lobster and the clownfish? no.. oh.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Two girls are sitting quietly.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

knock knock, whos there? billy i dont know who you are, please get away from my front door before i call the authorities

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Come on children, don't dawdle.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why can't the toucann fly anymore? Because they're extinct

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Your mom is so fat, when she farts, I can use her underwear as a hot air balloon

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the cat say to the rabbit? Nothing, cats are incapable of human speech as far as scientists are concerned. Also, the mouse was having a bad day. Rutabaga.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A panda bear walks into a bar. The bartender then alerts the zoo of the whereabouts of their missing panda.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

My sister has to take a dump

thumb_up thumb_down +50

two muffins are in an oven one muffin says man its pretty hot in here and the other muffin says oh my god a talking muffin

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What Is somthing that is 5 "5" and white A 5 "5" white person

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's worse than opening your pantry door and finding nothing desirable to eat? Repeated high voltage electrical shocks to the anus.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

kid: dad! a kid called me gay today! dad: son, im 100% ok with u hurting that kid! kid: i cant! hes too cute.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the man tell the other man to shut up? The other man said something that made this particular man mad which drove him to tell the other man to shut up.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops