What do you call it when you eat cheese that's not yours? Stealing.

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Would you spit or swallow? Well, in circumstances when i am eating or drinking, i would swallow. Although if i had something disgusting in my mouth i would spit

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My mother forgot to make me a sandwich today.

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What did one banana say to the other banana? Answer: It didnt say anything because bananas are inanimate objects, so it isn't humanly possible for a banana to speak.

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Immaculate Misconception - Motionless In White \m/

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whats a dexter whats a died? HaHaHaHaHa Im so so funny

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting Cow. Interru--- MOO! I'm so sorry, I have Tourette's Syndrome and cannot control these sudden outbursts. Please continue.

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A blonde and a brunette were hanging onto the edge of a cliff for dear life. The brunette somehow found the strength to climb back up. The blonde was impressed, but had muscular dystrophy so she slipped and fell to her death.

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Knock Knock! Come in.

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An anti-joke

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whats worse than fining 7 dead babies in 1 trash can? finding 1 dead baby in 7 trashcans!

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If you added up all of the grains of sand in all the beaches of the world, how many would there be? Anyone?

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What's sad about a girl getting hit in the face with a shovel? The shovel got dented..

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What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper painted red.

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Q: What is so funny about a dog chasing his tail? A: The dog cannot figue out that it his own tail, and every time he moves so does the tail. Therefore never reaching a satisfying end for the mentaly chalanged mutt.

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Why is it hard to see a black man in the night? Because its dark out, and he's BLACK.

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You have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars. You both have the same amount of money.

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What did one pig say to the other pig while sitting in the bathtub? No thanks I already have a typewriter.

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What is the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer while the other is just a water melon.

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How did the mexican get into the United States of America? Legally.

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how do you get your son or daughters attention? break down the door to their room and promptly begin beating them with a wooden baseball and then tie them up to a chair and torture them for 24 hours.

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Why did the squirrel fall out of a tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of a tree? It was cruelly stapled to the first one.

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A little boy and a pedafile are walking through the forest at night. The little boy says "I'm scared." The pedafile says "You're scared? I have to walk home alone."

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What did the rabbit say to the frog? If you think the rabbit said anything, you need to see a psychiatrist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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