A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" Surprised, the grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named 'Bob'?"

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How do you get 100 people in one car. You can't.

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2 peanuts were walking down the street, one was a salted .. the other was raped

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To go to the slaughter-house.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Around a thousand pounds.

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what's worse than jamming a finger in a door the holocaust what's worse than the holocaust jamming 2 fingers in a door

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Why did the 5 year-old go to the hospital? He had cancer

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Why was the man so hungry? Because he hadn't eaten in days.

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who can be more evil than the person who hit my nuts. Adolf Hitler.

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What did one cat say to the other cat? --------- Meow --------- What's pink and fluffy? --------- Pink fluff --------- What's green and yellow? --------- Grass. I lied about the yellow part.

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Why couldn't the Jew get pregnant? Because he was man.

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Have you seen stevie wonders house? neither has he.

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what's black, white, and red all over? a penguin stuck in a blending machine

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Why did the little boy fall off the swing? He had no arms

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When ducks fly in a V formation do you know why one side is longer than the other? Because there are more ducks on that side.

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What`s red and smells like blue paint? A sunburned baby drinking green paint.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Nothing, he found his tractor and went back to work.

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1 black man on the moon = problem 10 black people on the moon = problems Whole black population on the moon = problem solved

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Think of a fruit that isn't an orange ... You're thought of a pear, didn't you?

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: She was going to speek at a PETA meeting about the cruel conditions of chicken farms. I hit her with my car

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There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

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Why did the editor lose his job at a poetry magazine? Because he's worthless.

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Mr. Burns sex scandal.

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How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They're people to you know...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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