What did the heroin addict get for Christmas? Aids from a used needle.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Knock, Knock whos there? Jesus Jesus who? Jesus Christ

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you call a Muslim on a plane? A passenger, you racist bastard.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A blonde walks into a salon and says "I would like to get my golden locks trimmed." The haircutter replies "surely, just sit yourself down in that chair over there and I'll be with you momentarily." The blonde walks to the chair and sits down. When the haircutter comes over he asks her, "would you please remove your headset, I can't cut your hair while they're on." She laughs at her forgetfulness and removes them obligingly.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the clown's ballon animal pop? He was a victim in a drive by shooting.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Knock Knock Come in, the door's open.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Think of a number, add it by 7, subtract it by 2, and multiply it by 4. Now close your eyes, isn't it dark?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you have sex with 9 giraffes? you don't because that's weird

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why didn't Sebastian get out of the forest? Because he got brutally murdered by a big bad wolf

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the football coach say to fire up his team? Nothing. He was not legally allowed to say anything to his team as they were being locked out by the coach's boss, the owner of the team and anything that he said to them could lose him his job.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What does the Post Office have in common with a shoe store? Both provide goods and services in exchange for money.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

"Doctor! Doctor! It hurts when I urinate!" "you may have a kidney stone"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Sex with people under twelve years/MONTHS? You think I am a pervert or something? friendly r*pist neighbourhood Moral Man: DAMN STRAIGHT I AM! People use to tell me they know I am good on the inside... Joke is on them, I I fool them all by being slightly kind on the outside!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

a blonde takes 1 hour to swim 100m of breaststroke.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Where did John go after the explosion? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

have you ever heard of the mexican that went to college...no...oh me neither

thumb_up thumb_down -10

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the black woman have an affair? Because she had an unsatisfying sex life, her old husband was boring, and she was curious about being with other men.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you do when there is a truck on the interstate? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Student; Miss, please may I go toilet? Teacher; Yes, but say your alphabet first. Student; Ok

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's grey and can't fly? A castle

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Joe: Hey, why are your counters all red and your blender looks broken? Me: The same reason why Mrs. Johnson's baby is missing. ajl

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops