What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it's a grape and therefore unable to speak.

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Yo momma so stupid, she had you.

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You know what they say about big feet... Wow, those are some big feet.

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Why do Asian Women have small boobs? Because anything under A is unacceptable.

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SCP-009-J is missing. Where has it gone? Is it under the table? Was it sat upon? Is it there on the ceiling? Is it under the rug? Was it gobbled right up by a quantum pillbug? Did it run through the tunnel? Did it fall down the stair? Was it sent back in time to a carnival fair? Did it get on a train to a far-away place? Is it locked in a falsified beacon from space? Did it fall in the oobleck and [DATA EXPUNGED]? If it clogged up the sink, will it have to be plunged? Just where has SCP-009-J gotten to? Oh wait, that's right! SCP-009-J is you!

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a person and one is a pizza.

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Your mom is so fat, She should go to a doctor because her cholesterol is abnormally high.

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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What's a boomerang that never comes back to you? A stick. :/

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Whats worse than 20 dead babies in a garbage can? A: The smell

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Starving.

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Whats a difference between an eagle and a tree? They both can fly. Oh yeah, I Iied about the tree.

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How many aborigines does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They have no idea what electricity is.

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Whats worse than bad sex. Being nice raped in the anus by a teletubby.

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What did the racist white guy say to the black guy? "I don't like Asians."

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I have Alzheimer's Roses are Red

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Three children had stumbled upon a magic slide. There was a sign on the slide stating that what ever they shouted, they would land in a pool of it at the bottom of the slide. So the first child began sliding and shouted out "JELLY" and sure enough he landed in a large pool of jelly when he reached the bottom of the slide. The next child, so excited to go down the slide began sliding down. She shouted out "LOLLIES" and sure enough she landed in a large pool of sweets and chocolates at the bottom of the slide. Finally, the youngest girl in the group mounted the slide. As she was going down she was enjoying the slide so much that she shouted "POOS POOS" forgetting the rule of the magic slide and finally landing in a large pool of excrement.

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Why did humpty dumpty fall off a wall? Well it turns out that he was a raging psycopath. to add on, he was also a suicidal

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Did you know that every 60 seconds in Africa a minute passes

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What's better than winning a gold medal at the paralympics? Winning two gold medals.

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You know its time to leave when she wake's up out of her coma and your balls are on her chin.

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Whats gets stiff when you have sex with it? A dead body.

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What is Hellen Keller's favorite TV show? She doesn't have one - She is blind and deaf.

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cut it out ..but i dont have a scissor

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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