dry handjob

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There once was a man from Duluth who's never did rhyme. They were often too short.

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What happened as a result of the bitter terrorist attack? The president began to devise a plan to help the abused child

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What's the difference between 2 flies? Their DNA

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A girl walks into a strip club, she was tired of her husband and wanted to see how it was actually done.

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The Theory of Relativity, proposed by the Jewish physicist Albert Einstein (1879-1955) in the early part of the 20th century, is one of the most significant scientific advances of our time. Although the concept of relativity was not introduced by Einstein, his major contribution was the recognition that the speed of light in a vacuum is constant and an absolute physical boundary for motion. This does not have a major impact on a person's day-to-day life since we travel at speeds much slower than light speed. For objects travelling near light speed, however, the theory of relativity states that objects will move slower and shorten in length from the point of view of an observer on Earth. Einstein also derived the famous equation, E = mc2, which reveals the equivalence of mass and energy. When Einstein applied his theory to gravitational fields, he derived the "curved space-time continuum" which depicts the dimensions of space and time as a two-dimensional surface where massive objects create valleys and dips in the surface. This aspect of relativity explained the phenomena of light bending around the sun, predicted black holes as well as the Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation (CMB) -- a discovery rendering fundamental anomalies in the classic Steady-State hypothesis. For his work on relativity, the photoelectric effect and blackbody radiation, Einstein received the Nobel Prize in 1921.

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Why did little Tommy eat an apple? Because he was on a diet

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Why is a cookie like a jellyfish? Because it has no bones. (Contributed by my 4-year old boy)

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You better run like your ass is under fire, because it will be if you don't.

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And more;

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was about to get raped.

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What do you call a mouse that sings? Justin Bieber

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Why didn't the man finish his dinner? His dinner was a wheelchair.

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A horse walked into a bar and ordered a drink. It was nothing out of the ordinary because the Everett-Wheeler interpretation of quantum mechanics is correct and he lived in a parallel universe in which the roles of humans and horses are reversed.

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How many jews died in a gas chamber? None because the holocaust is a myth.

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A Mexican, a Jew, an American and an Indian are on a plane with no parachutes. No one jumps out because no one has a parachute.

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Whats worse than finding bubba in your house? Getting raped by a rabid racoon..

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What do you call a Muslim taking control of an airplane? A pilot. -Tag

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Is this a chair?

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What do you call a dead black guy? A TERRIBLE CRIME

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Whats greasy and long? Your moms chesthair

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Knock Knock And then I looked through the peephole and I saw it was the handyman that was going to fix my leaky sink so I opened the door

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Whats the difference between a fire hydrant and the color green? They're both green. Except the fire hydrant.

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What's up? Well it all depends on your current position, if you are in the center of the Earth then everything would be up. In space there is no gravity so nothing is up. If you don't understand this the sky is up.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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