Q: Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? A: Neither did she...

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A priest, a paedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. And that's just the first guy

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What is long and black? Some umbrellas.

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How can you tell if a woman is dead? She has no pulse.

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Why does austin bell like it up the butt? Cause he's a cat a kitty cat meow meow meow and meow meow meow

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What goes in and out of a hole? A Rabbit you people have dirty minds!

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Why was 6 afraid of 7. Because 7 was a terrorist

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One day, a small bald man was walking up the street, when her saw a large red porche, extremely grand, and the door was wide open. He walked over and inspected the open door, and to his surprise, the keys were in place by the steering wheel. He was a good man, with a loving wife and two teenage children, and he had no intention of steeling the vehicle. But astonished by the owner lack of protection, he hopped into the car and drove it around the block, just for the thrill of riding such an amazing car. Around 30 seconds after, he parked the car, got out, leaving the car in the same place, with the door open and the keys in, then he walked home and lived the rest of his life.

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What's black and white and red all over? A black, white, and red shirt.

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A man walks into a bar gets drunk passes out then goes to rehab because he has a problem

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood? I don't know. The woodchuck won't chuck wood.

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Kumquats, daffodils, and potato salad.

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What is the leading cause of death? - Dying.

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How are baseball and basketball the same. They aren't football.

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So I was sitting in traffic the other day... And I got run over.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Jerry Jerry Who? Jerry Sandusky, I've come to rape your kids.

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What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

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What did the POW say to his captor? I do not want to be waterboarded.

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What do you get if you cross a Kangaroo and a Sheep? They are too entirely different species and cannot be crossbred.

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Q: Whats a spanish teacher who cant speak spanish A: duhh. it called an english teacher

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An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Scottishman walks into a bar. They had a good time.

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Why is it impossible to travel faster than the speed of light? Because it travels pretty darn fast.

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I ate a pancake for breakfast not

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children of those parents which re childless, often are childless too...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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