A baby seal walks into a club. The man holding the club skins him and makes a lot of money.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

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What do communists and strawberries have in common? You can eat them.

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What's the difference between Chuck Norris and broccoli? A lot.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Oh shit my gardens on fire

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What do retards say when someone knocks on the door... NOBY HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....................and that concludes our moment of silence

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What did Santa call the prostitute? Nothing. Santa isn't real.

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a jerk that i knew was in a bar. he was about to drive home. at first i tried to stop him until he was sober. instead he punched me in the face. then i dared him to drive home as fast as possible. he died that night... i texted him all the way...

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Scenario: 2 guys with big feet and a camels Anus are hiking on Mount Everest with a set of elephants dildos Man 1: what's the difference between a Volkswagen and a clock? Man 2: what? Man 1: you can't toboggan of a green house roof with a tub of Vaseline and a ostrich party on lady gaga's Anus

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A zucchini is walking down the street, when he spots a cucumber club on his left hand side. Having nothing else to do he decides to walk in. When he walks into the club all of the cucumbers stop and stare at this strange being in their club. Finally, after having one too many drinks, one cucumber decides that this ridiculousness has gone on long enough and it is up to him to say something, so he goes up to the zucchini and says, "Hey buddy, what's your problem, clearly you are in a cucumber club and you're a zucchini." The zucchini just looks at him, puzzled, and responds " A cucumber club? I thought this was a ucumber club!!!!!"... It's funny because zucchinis are dyslexic.

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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why do birds fly away when you go near them? incase your black

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dick in your mouth just kidding haaaaaa

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boy: you want to hear something funny? girl: what? boy: women's rights girl: you want to hear something trivial? boy: what? girl: your penis

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Can you see this brett? Connor

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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother than explains to the daughter the logistics of sex. The daughter seems to comprehend and walk away leaving the mother to cook.

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Hey are you sleepy? Good, cause I just saw Jeff The Killer and Slenderman outside your window. Good night!

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How do you kill a circus? Go for the Juggler!

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what do a fish and wood have in common? when they're dead, they float

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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How do you make a builder sad? You shit on his bricks.

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a man walks into a bar several people leave as they can see the potential danger in the situation. - the man (also so known as a hippo) was Matt Ross

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How do you know it's a bad day? When your brain does not release a high enough level of seratonin.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was unaware that it could get run over by a motor vehicle.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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