Q: What would George Washinton do if he was alive today? A: Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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Q. Why does Hugo masturbate? A. To build muscle.

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Your moms so dumb that she has cancer..... wait thats racist

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Want to hear a funny story? So, these to kids have cancer...

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What did the black man say to the watermelon? Watermelon.

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Where is Sally hiding? She was kidnapped and has probably been murdered, I lied about her hiding.

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Your mom is such a slut she had sex with your dad on the very first night of their marriage!

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You wanna know something that's totally out of this world? The moon

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

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A guy in a truck delivering furniture runs over a frog. Concerned for the frog, he pulls over and runs back to the frog and asks "Are you ok?" The frog replies "Yeah, you want to buy a cupboard?"

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How many stripes does a Zebra have? Doesn't matter millions of people died in the Holocaust

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Why is Obama black Because his parents were black

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these guys im about to shoot owen,john,henry,shawn

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why did the kids pull the fire alarm? because there was a fire.

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what do you call a disabled black man getting beat up? an unfortunate human

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Doctor, people dont notice me anymore, doctor?... HEEEEEEEEEEEY!

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When life gives you lemons, you probably just found lemons.

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Parents: What do you want for your birthday? Boy: A yellow ping pong ball. 7th birthday P: What would you like for your birthday son? B: A yellow ping pong ball 13th birthday P: What would you like for you birthday son? B:A yellow ping pong ball. P:Hmm, fine. 17th birthday P: What would you like for your birthday son? B: A yellow ping pong ball. P: That's is I'm getting you a car! Day before 18th the boy drives into a bridge. He lies in his hospital bed and his parents are there. P: What would you like for you birthday tomorrow? B: A yellow ping pong ball. P: Fine. Why do you want these ping pong balls anyway? B: Because. And then he died.

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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A car with three black people in it is driven off a cliff and everyone dies. Why is this a tragedy? Because it is always a tragedy when human life is lost.

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What became of the girl who drank shellac and died? Her poor father attempted CPR for three hours straight before being forced to give up on his child's life. A massive funeral was held; everyone she ever knew attended. It was a very sad affair.

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Why is Justin Bieber better than Freddie Mercury? Freddie Mercury is dead. Justin Bieber is still alive. Also Freddie Mercury is ugly and Justin is hot.

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What do you call a blonde person? By her name.

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Everyone lies about agreeing to the terms of service... look, I'll do it right now! because i have to click it in order to post the joke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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