When life gives you lemons.... Don't eat them, because you're probable hallucinating, and you don't know where they came from.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

whats worst then geting a used condom put in your mouth geting wraped by mario then lugi

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why didn't the girl put on her mascara? Because she was too poor to buy any.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q: What kind of bees make milk? A: None. Bees make honey, not milk.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A man and his friend walk into a bar. The first man said to the bartender "I'll have a H2O, please." His friend said "Yeah, I'll have a H2O too." The bartended wasn't an idiot and was aware that he was in a bar, not a science lab, and handed them both a bottle of H2O. His friend still died.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Hey, i just met you. And this is crazy! But im on bathsalts ! *GAUH* Your face looks tasty!! :D

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did Jimmy not go to school? Because Jimmy, along with his family, were killed in a horrible house fire. Knock Knock? Who's there? Not Jimmy...

thumb_up thumb_down

Kade was sad. He had finally got a girlfriend when he realized he actually liked men.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's black, white and red all over? Multi- racial genocide.

thumb_up thumb_down -195

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one. It should only take one person to demonstrate such a simple task, regardless of their hair color.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Whats fat and gay joe diragi

thumb_up thumb_down -2

who has brown eyes blonde hair and red lips a human-being

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what is worse than finding a worm in your apple being tricked by your best friend to mule drugs over the boarder and then imprisoned in a Vietnamese jail, where you will most likely will be traded for sex and other horrid act of sodomy, only to escape and work as a sex slave to earn your way home, because that is the life you know now there is no way out you will die here.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

You are so stupid you should go to school and get an education so you are able to get a well paying job in this tough economy

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Kony 2012 - Uganda Be Kidding Me

thumb_up thumb_down +15

how do you know Newcastle are losing? its 5 past 3

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I can see you under there. Under what?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

You walk into a shopping centre, what wont you see? Madelin McCann.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the little boy find when he came home from school? His mother hanging from a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What's worse than stepping on chewing gum A clown throwing bricks at orphans

thumb_up thumb_down +34

why did the drug dealer die... because he got terminal cancer and died during the first 3 weeks

thumb_up thumb_down -2

why did the man hit the flight attendant? Im just kidding he didnt.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops