i dont like attention whores lol

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:(Sneeze) :Bless You :Thank You! :Mention it :Thank You!

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Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to go well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that when his wife was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas, despite that the tank was full and she only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrendous car accident that caused the fuel to empty and catch fire. Mary survived but their 6 month old baby was killed.

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I asked my wife to make me a sandwich. I had forgotten she was dead.

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A black man, a Mexican man, a white man, an Asian man, a priest, a rabbi, and a prostitute walk into a bar. It was a very popular bar.

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What did the little boy say when he was asked what he wanted to be when he grew up? Adolf Hitler

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What's worse than a tree getting cut down? This joke.

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What did the french toast say to the french fry? I don't know, I don't speak french.

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Why are atheists stupid? Actually, statistically, they are more intelligent than believers.

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Q: Why did the Asian fail his driving test? A: Lack of concentration on the road and low knowledge of functioning a car.

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Q: What do you get if you combine a melody, instrumentation, rhythm, and vocals? A: Um, music, you idiot.

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so a huge calculator walks into a bar, and a man steps out from behind it, and wipes his forehead.

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What happens if you an 3ft size olive, a glob of red paint and rainbow colored glue on a table and rub your arm in it? You get olive, red paint and glue on your arm.

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Why couldn't the rich dumbass get into colledge? He couldn't open the door

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why didn't she get up? She had no legs. *Knock knock* Who's there? Not Suzie.

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What is the difference between Santa, and a Jew? Santa goes DOWN the chimney

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I got stopped for speeding the other day. The policeman said I had to pay a £50 fine. I was gutted. However, later that night I had amazing sex with my wife, which helped me to take my mind off things a bit.

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What starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'? Porn....

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What's worse than the holocaust? Dropping your biscuit in your cup of tea.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman.

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If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom? Well, that depends if the apocalypse was happening and if there were even any Americans left at all.

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Why did the monkey die? he was stapled to a grenade

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What did Helen Keller say when she got raped? Stop raping me.

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What do you call a woman not in the kitchen? Her name.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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