What do you get when you stab Al with a sword? At

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Why the hell does my sister shower in a swimsuit every time? Its not as if anyone is looking! ALRIGHT! ONCE ALRIGHT? ONLY ONCE! But then she hears the sound of my zipper ONCE and the shit hits the fan! Which is weird, yeah suuure she hears it when I pull it up, but when I pull it down and stroke it and moan? Nada!

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How many blonds douse it take to change a light bulb I dont know it hasn't happened yet

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Two pretzels were walking down the street when one got assaulted...

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple?

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What do you call Bob if he gets a nose ring? Bob

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Q: Whats Long, Black and Smells? A: Sh*t

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How do you make a plumber cry? Murder his family.

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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What do you call an unexpected pregnancy? A defective condom.

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a young mother cow died in a street crossing by a large oil truck, she was never buried and became infested with maggots in the next few days

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-What's long, hard and full of semen? -Since this is a play on words both an erect penis and a naval submarine could apply here

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Why couldn't Scruffy get out from under the car? It had parked on his skull.

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What's green, fuzzy, and can kill you if it fell from a tree? A pool table.

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Whats worse than a pile of dead babies? A live on at the bottom.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have herpes You should probably get yourself checked.

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What did the German say to the Rabbi? Hello. The German was also Jewish

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? "Poker Face"

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Why couldn't Timmy go to the bathroom? He was constipated.

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Brett Favre sent me a pic of his penis. I then compared it to my own and felt good about my general ackage size

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere.

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what's the difference between a black man and a tricycle well the black man's a human

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Bill and John are talking about types of cheese. The conversation drags on a bit and slowly changes topic. Bill says "I bet you I can bungy jump off a bridge". John chuckles before replying "I bet you can't". They go and find a bridge and Bill puts on his harness and ties himself to the side of the bridge. He throws himself off the edge and falls through the air screaming at the top of his voice. John cuts the bungy cord and Bill dies.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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