what a tomato would say if his friend would be hit by a car? Nothing because tomatoes can't speak

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What do you tell someone who says they are contemplating suicide? where to find some cheap cyanide

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What really killed Adolf Hitler? The gas bill

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Want to hear a joke? I hope not because I don't know any.

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The speeding car skidded on the rain-slicked roadway. Beyond the outside of the curve was a 100 meter drop-off. As the car slid toward the edge of the road, the driver and passenger both had a sick feeling in the pit of their stomach and wished they hadn't ordered vinegar milkshakes, the special of the day at Pickle Shack. Or it could have been the toadstools, but it didn't matter now.

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Eating food: Ugh disgusting! Taking a dump later: THIS IS DELICIOUS! Man, you are doing it wrong... Waterworld was a pretty dry movie, I mean when are they gonna start making movies with a bit of wet humor for a change? SERIOUSLY BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I AM NOT SERIOUS!

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knock knock whos there? jim okay come in.

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What do you get when you cross Chuck Norris with a Cheetah? A yellow Chuck Norris with black spots.

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Q: why was the girl so dumb A: her teacher was a blond

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "why the long face" The bartender then sees the horse's broken leg and proceeds to buy him a free drink.

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What do u do when u hear about a smart Blonde. Cant think of anything? Exactly

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That awkward when you adimaticlly read "moment in your head because you have seen too many of these awkward moment jokes.

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What do you call a banana that just got pealed A banana

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knock knock , who there ray, ray who , ray winstone , I am your daddy you'll get your perks.

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"Honey im home!" but his honey was dead on the floor along with his 3 kids.

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Doctor, I am afraid of getting sexually abused. Hmm, sounds serious, take off all your clothes so we can get a proper look.

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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Whats worse than a son killing his own father? His biological father finds him, 10 years later.

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How do you kill a blonde? You wait until she dies of old age, then copyright her death.

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What did Osama Bin Laden say to Hitler? Nothing, because they clearly never made contact with each other, owing to the fact that Osama was born approximately 13 years after Hitler had committed suicide

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I see you driving 'Round town with the girl I love And I'm like, Haiku!

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Why can't Jimmy talk? He's dead.

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What did the thin Italian say to the fat Italian? I don't know, I can't speak Italian.

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What do you do when you're making out with your girlfriend? Play with another dude's ass.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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