What do you call a cat with 1 eye, 4 legs, and its tongue out? Road kill.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the bear fall down? I shot it. Why did the second bear fall down? It tripped over the first one.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was the blonde so stupid? She suffers a severe case of retardation.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Your momma so fat when she went to the beach she was to self concious and left her shirt on.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Man 1: Ask me if im a flower Man 2: "are you a flower?" Man 1: if i was a flower do you think i could talk? man 1 was wondering why man 2 was so uneducated

thumb_up thumb_down -8

what did the bear say to the fish? Nothing he eat it

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool The tragic drowning of a quadrapalegic

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What's cold, limp, approximately 65 pounds, and being dragged out of that pool with no safety fence over there? Not important, lets go get some Wendy's man.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

What's woman spelled backwards? Sandwich-maker.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

My diick won't stop barking unless I take it for a walk, problem is, I can't find a leash big enough

thumb_up thumb_down -2

knock knock Who's there Rick Rick who Your wife's boss she got into an on the job accident and will never walk again... I'm sorry but your insurance doesn't cover the injury.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I have Alzheimer's, i pee out gold, racoons

thumb_up thumb_down -17

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't eat your friends Nose it is!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why do firemen wear red suspenders? If they didn't, their turnout gear would not effectively protect them from flames.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

eden stop

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Q. Why did the fence break? A. Too many mexicans were climbing it.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

There's nothing more natural than the coals under the fire...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did one door say to the other door? - Nothing, doors can't talk

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did Big Dog say to Little Dog? "We are both dogs."

thumb_up thumb_down -5

There are four worms walking in a straight line. The first worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me!" The second worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The fourth worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" How can this be? ...the fourth worm lied!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock knock Who's there? Carrot Carrot who? Carrot in the tree house, cause it's orange.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was little Timmy afraid of his dentist? Because he was 10 foot scorpion.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops