What is the difference between Santa, and a Jew? Santa goes DOWN the chimney

thumb_up thumb_down +52

I got stopped for speeding the other day. The policeman said I had to pay a £50 fine. I was gutted. However, later that night I had amazing sex with my wife, which helped me to take my mind off things a bit.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'? Porn....

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's worse than the holocaust? Dropping your biscuit in your cup of tea.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom? Well, that depends if the apocalypse was happening and if there were even any Americans left at all.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the monkey die? he was stapled to a grenade

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did Helen Keller say when she got raped? Stop raping me.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call a woman not in the kitchen? Her name.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the boy reading a book do? He finished the book and took it back to library.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he found out the oreo he slept with last night had aids and he wanted to make sure he didnt get the deadly disease so he went to the doctor to get tested.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

There are two bears in a shower. One bear says "pass the soap." the other bear says "no soap. Radio."

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the woman find when she got home from the post office? Her son's corpse hanging from a clothes hanger. She was an abusive mom, and he killed himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

that awkward moment when there is no candy in the van.....

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the little girl get for Christmas? A pipe bomb

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Have you seen the movie "Gay Men Say No"? Oh yes, that is very insightful documentary on the modern day struggles of homosexuality.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why do Jews make sure their cars can stop on a dime? So if something happens unexpectedly when they are driving they have a better chance of avoiding a dangerous collision.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did the robber take from the store? The managers dick

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the Frenchman say to the Englishman? I don't know, I don't speak French.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's worse than finding jokes that repeat on Anti-Joke.com? AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the black man have lots of money. He studied hard at school and got into a good university. He dedicated 5 years of his life working relentlessly and getting his diploma in medicine then went on to work in a private hospital as head doctor and neuro surgeon. He was very successful in his specific field of medicine. That didn't work out so after quitting his job and realizing he had wasted over 7 years of his life achieving nothing but lose of interest in his career. He then bought a lottery ticket and won 8 million dollars.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A duck walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, what can I get you?" He is then checked into the psychiatric ward at the local hospital, for talking to a duck.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you help someone stop drowning You take your foot off the back their head.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Your mom is so nice.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops