My heart is in my hands. Call an ambulance.

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John Travolta went to a seafood disco last week.

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Why is McDonalds bad for you? Because their is so much fat in all its products, and contains many calories.

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The word "Walter" is never funny.

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why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was taped to the first one why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? it didn't

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A blond, a brunet, and a red head jumped off a bridge. Which one hit the ground first? In order to solve this problem you would first need to figure out witch of the three had more of a body mass. Then you would need to calculate the accretion in case one brought along a cow. However, in the end the outcome is always the same: 3 dead bodies on impact and 3 mourning families.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a convicted rapist.

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What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist.

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whats worse than finding out there's mold in your bread? finding out the holocaust is in your bread

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What's the difference between an American and a British guy? Their fingerprints.

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How many watermelons did the black man have? Too many to count, he was a farmer and his primary crop was watermelons.

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We spent trillions of tax payer's money on the death of 1 man... wait that's not funny...

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What happened when the Hispanic man dropped his Wollet? He picked it up

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SCP-009-J is missing. Where has it gone? Is it under the table? Was it sat upon? Is it there on the ceiling? Is it under the rug? Was it gobbled right up by a quantum pillbug? Did it run through the tunnel? Did it fall down the stair? Was it sent back in time to a carnival fair? Did it get on a train to a far-away place? Is it locked in a falsified beacon from space? Did it fall in the oobleck and [DATA EXPUNGED]? If it clogged up the sink, will it have to be plunged? Just where has SCP-009-J gotten to? Oh wait, that's right! SCP-009-J is you!

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why did the gay person cry? he was said that he couldn't marry his boyfriend.

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A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit stumbles into a genie while coming to a clearing. The Genie says, "I will give you both three wishes." The bear thinks quickly and says, "I wish every bear in the forest was female." The Genie then grants the wish. "And...now I wish that each bear in the country was female!" The Genie grants the wish. "AND I WISH THAT EVERY BEAR IN THE WORLD WAS FEMALE!!!" the bear exclaims, now getting overly excited by his wishes. The Genie grants the last wish and then turns to the rabbit. "Your turn." The rabbit wishes for a pair of running shoes and the well being of his family and friends. For his last wish he points at the bear and says, "I wish he was gay."

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60+8.99999999=68.99999999 soo close

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Hey I just met you you are a sneaker smell my gym socks and then pick oot throughyour nose

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Why do they censor everything on here? Because **** **** ******* *** ***** *****.

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Where do you find a quadriplegic? Where you left him

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what's funnier than a dead baby? a lot of less tragic things

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Your garden's on fire.

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How can you tell I'm the biggest idiot in the room? Look at me.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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