Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains! That's the least of your worries you have aids!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sausage is brown, and so is my wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's the best thing about having sex with twenty six year olds? There's twenty of them.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the woman leave the kitchen? To go to work. And be sexually harassed. For 70 cents on the dollar.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Holocaust jokes aren't funny. Anne Frankly, they're just out of bad taste.

thumb_up thumb_down

An asian man walks into a bar and lights a cigarette. He is politely asked to leave due to smoking being prohibited indoors.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Roses are Grey, Violets are Grey, I am Colorblind...FML

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Knock Knock Who's there? Hello there. I am Elder Young and I with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. What would you say if someone were to offer you peace and happiness through all of eternity?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

did you know the leading cause of funerals is death?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

In soviet Russia... there is a distinct probability that you will get mugged due to the high crime rate and gang ruled streets.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

why did the chicken cross the road? no one knows because it got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What's two plus two? Window

thumb_up thumb_down -15

You come across a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. Why are you telling a joke? Go make sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it. "I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you get a small girl of a swing ? Throw a fridge at her

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Aodhan peanut head Hearty

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what did jesus say to moses? jesus isn't real

thumb_up thumb_down -26

You know what me and Bill Cosby have in common? Katie..

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what did the boy say to his mum when he got home from school nothing he has no tongue

thumb_up thumb_down

what was the biggest game of hide and seek? World War II and the Jews won

thumb_up thumb_down -12

a man walks into a bar the other man ducks

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops