What happened after the man with no arms and legs lost his keys? He called the police.

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What do you call a bay that got run over by a train? Thomas

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? The Mexican blind cave tetra (Astyanax mexicanus).

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? It probably saw an animal that it wanted to chase, or a person carrying food, or another dog that it wanted to make friends with.

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A girl falls out of a tree. She got hit by a flying pig.

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Yo momma so fat she decided to have lipo suction

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Q:what do you call a black man with blonde hair flying a plane? A: A pilot

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the side of the road? A: To get to the other vagina

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What's Green and flies? Super Grapes cousin Super Grape

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Your mum is so dead, when I kick her she doesn't move.

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Q: What can you never see in the light, but you can in the dark? A: Darkness.

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What's black and white and red all over? A domestically abused bi-racial woman.

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A couple was arguing about how the man was cheating and he was in "The Doghouse". There clever son pointed out that they didn't own a dog.

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what do eagles and chetos have in common....... they both can fly except for the chetos

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Whats your name? Bill. I have a son named Kevin.

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Q:why did the man jump of the house A:he did not I threw a frige at him

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u jelly?

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Wanna hear a joke? Good, go ask a comedian.

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Dude: Hey want to hear a joke? Other dude: What is it? Dude: Joke. Other dude: What? Dude: I don't know. That was a joke ladies an gentleman.

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A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time louder.

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knock knock? who's there the stubt double vampire that's going to kill you;0

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Two Cows are knitting soda water in a lightbulb. One of them said: Talking about milk, what time is it? The other pulls out a thermometer, looked at it and said: Wednesday.

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Sorry boss

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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