Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? A. From a catalogue.

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What happened after Jimmy fell off the cliff? He died.

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Your mother is so white that when she goes to the beach she has to wear sunscrean to avoid being badly sun burned.

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You know whats worse than finding 3 dead children in your house? Finding 2 dead children in your house.

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A man named Joe has practiced drawing cartoon characters his entire life. When Joe turns 15 he decides to enter a local drawing competeiton. Joe works very hard drawing his cartoon and finally finishes. When it is the time to hand in his drawing his drawing, he hands it in an receives a satisfying 2nd place and continues on with his life. Two years later Joe decides to enter another drawing competeiton (this one much more competitive) after his drawing skills have tremendously increased. He begins drawing and is 3/4 of the way finished when Joe is brutally murdered by a mentally disturbed man and cannot hand in his art work and is therefore disqualified from the competeiton and loses.

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What did the boy who was in a chainsaw accident yell to his mom when he was on a rollercoaster? Look ma, no hands!

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Three jews walk into a bar. The bar is hosting a bar mitzvah.

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what did chloe say to alexis? you took my phone

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What did the fat kid eat for dinner? Salad, he's on a diet.

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What is black, white and red all over? An interracial couple that has been shot and murdered.

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A plane crashed. The pilot was some sort of food, like a loaf of bread or a salad. Neither of which can fly a plane or do much of anything-- like get a plane to move in the first place, let alone take off.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because the food source on its original side was running low, thus forcing the chicken to find other food options.

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Knock Knock. Martha, get the door I'm watching the game!

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Nothing, as speaking to himself is a sign of mental illness.

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Why did the man walk into the grocery store? To provide an alibi for his identical twin who was committing 1st degree murder at the time.

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I ate a pancake for breakfast not

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What is brown and sticky? A stick.

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A dyslexic man walks into a saloon and asks for a hair cut.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have Tourette's, Cheese on toast.

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Q: why did the guys neck hurt after the car crash A: he had a sun burn

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Lets just say that we are beyond the stage where I am "just" trying, by the way, you might want to search that last comment for double negatives. Or you know NOT NOT. Do not take my word for it, but if I am not wrong, the bacteria (yogurt) leaves afterwards, so you are eating milk that has been eaten and then.. You know... A common "side effect" of hypnosis, is that when it is used, the one hypnotized (both in this case) end up feeling a "strange" case of closeness, stronger bonds, friendship etc, scientists wonder why... ITS LIKE DUH! WE BOTH REVEAL DEEP SECRETS TO EACH OTHER! THINGS WE DO NOT EVEN USUALLY TELL OURSELVES! Its a literal no brainer, scientits can go fuck themselves, because as far as I know, thats the only fuck they ever get.

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Two black men walk into a strip club. They immediately walk out because they have faithful wives at home nurturing their beautiful African children.

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When life gives you lemons Unless it gives you sugar, water, and a cup your lemonade will suck

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Peas and Corn. Porn., a deer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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