what did the tomato say when he was cut open? nothing, because vegetables are unable to speak

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A baby seal walks into a club. I happens to be that the club is having their bi-annual PETA meeting, and the baby seal is chosen as the organization's new mascot. After touring the nation and meeting important world leaders, the baby seal still wonders why there was a club at the North Pole.

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Seth stock has a large penis

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "With proper medical attention and rest, yes, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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Yo mama is so fat when she went to the fat contest they said SORRY no pros alowed

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Q: What is creepy and stares at you when you sleep A: Me

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What do you call a grizzly bear without teeth? A gummy bear

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what do u call a girl with cancer? bald.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? A bike

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for chrismas? cancer

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What's worse than AIDS? Not getting your sandwich.

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How do you give a 90 year old woman a pap smear? You don't

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roses are red violets are blue some poems are good and some don't

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why did the little girl scream?She was afraid of clowns and hated small cars running around a tent

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What do you call a mexican working at Taco Bell? An intelligent young man who recently graduated from high school, but due to his family's lack of money, he cannot pay for college, which is one of the reason's why he is working. He also needs money becuase he has a child on the way, due to his poor choice of not using protection while having intoxicated relations with his girlfriend. I wish him the best of luck!

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? I've lost my tractor!

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Why do witches ride on brooms? Because they have magical powers!

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What do you call a disabled Jew? His name

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What's green and if it fell from a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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Want to hear the story about how I got put in prison? So I have an odd bunch of friends: one of them is Polish and he works at a call centre, the other is a slave trader and his name is Richard. We tend to meet outside our Polish friend's house to speak or to do "business" when need be (I run errands for Richard) and the other day that's where I got asked to kidnap an American. "That's strange" I thought, but nevertheless I went out and took the American from his house and carried him over in a sack over to our meeting place. I handed him over and sneaked off as soon as I could, thinking I was home free. But I wasn't. The police turned up all angry like. There were witnesses. Turns out a bunch of kids saw me giving Dick a Yank next to the telephone Pole.

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what goes in hard and comes out soft? bubblegum, what were you thinking?

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and and no legs in front of a door? A: A quadruple amputee.

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Why did the dog kill the fish? He had no reason, he just wanted fish. What, you thought he had like, a vendetta? pssh your crazy

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What did Jesus say when he was nailed to the cross? AHHHH WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?!?!? MY HAND!!! MY HAND!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! JUST KILL ME!!! PLEASE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?! MY OTHER HAND AHHHH!!! HAHAAAAAAAAAaaaa..... AHHHHHHH WHY?!?! MY LEG!!!! MY FOOT NO!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! Ah AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAA HAHAHAaaa WHYYYYYYYYY!?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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