What do you do on Mother's Day? This is not a joke, I don't know what to do.

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what happened to the asian who failed his math quiz... his parents killed him

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If you watch a pregnancy backwards, it is about a baby that is inserted between the legs of a woman and is slowly broken down for energy and the remains are finally sucked up by a man's genitals. There isn't a joke.

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What happened to the blind man who went skydiving? Nothing but the dog was unlucky.The dog kept squirming and he thought he hadnt gone down the cliff yet and said "ok fine dont come with me!".The dog didnt survive. :'(

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Hitler and Jews become friends.

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''Hey, this is absolutely true. There's an organization now called 'Draft Dick Cheney for President, 2012.' Yeah. Good luck with that. They tried to draft Dick Cheney five times during Vietnam. That didn't work.

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Knock Knock . . . I'm coming in!

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile? "Get in the Batmobile"

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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whats worse then a child with a dead mom? the baby is still inside.

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Burger King cashier: Are you on Team Jacob or Team Edward? Man: I'm on team I'm freaking hungry; now give me my food!

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When is the best time to eat? When you feel like it.

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roses are red, no one gives a shit, get back in the kitchen and bring me my chicken dips!

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How do you make a bull angry? Light it on fire

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How does a black man spell Jack J-A-C-K

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Whats worse than going to jail for the rest of your life? Going to jail naked for the rest of your life.

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Why was the little girl lying on the floor. Because she got shot.

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? (Because she was blind and deaf?) No, because she was a woman.

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What has 2 legs, a heart and a conscience? YER MA

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What's the difference between zev hatis and a dwarf Nothing. They are both midgets and are going to die by the age of 25

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What was the biggest turning point during Michael Vick's transformation from despised felon to MVP candidate? He stopped killing dogs.

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I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!!! LOUD NOISES!!!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? 'Cause he wanted to get squashed by the giant pancake.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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