What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? There is none, one is a female human being with blonde hair and the other is a headlamp with a halogen lightbulb.

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knock, knock who's their? police get down on the ground!

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What's green, long, and covered in forks? Grass. I lied about the forks.

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When life throws you lemons what should you do? Take cover.

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I'm a Schizophrenic And so am I

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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what happens when two small children jump into a pool full of pedophiles? They splash around and have fun

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Why did the homosexual rapist walk into the pizza shop? Because he was hungry after a long day of raping little boys.

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What do you call a poor man on the side of the rode asking for money? A poor man on the side of the rode asking for money.

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Nero7 How are you doing? This is "Eliza" I hope I will be joining, but I cannot reach you by phone, please respond ASAP time is running out.

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why was six afraid of seven It wasnt. numbers are not sentient or tangible and thus are incapable of feeling fear

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What's the difference between a black person and a white person? They have different skin tones.

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what has 8 legs, is brown, and will bite you? my crap

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Why do horses read books? We are all doomed...

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Why did Little Suzie fall off her bike? I hit her with a shovel. Why did little Suzie die? I hit her with a shovel and she fell off her bike.

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why was the boy mad at school? something probably upset him.

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I woke up this morning and ran five miles. I am proud of myself for engaging in such a healthy lifestyle.

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Why did the baby fall out the window? Because the parents left the window open by the crib.

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Doctor doctor, I came here as quickly as possible, it was just the nearest place I could find. My dog he... he's panting and bleeding and I don't know what to do I think he's dying and I just want him to hold on... Please... Well then go to a vet you stupid shit.

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yo mamas so fat she probably has to wear a gerdle when she leaves the house.

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What's green and has wheels? A bus. I lied about the green.

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A giant foot comes over the town and a man says "theres something big afoot" hahahahahahaha

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*Knock-Knock* "Who's there?" "The police, you're under arrest for the murder of your wife and your two children."

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What do you get when you cross a fan with a child? A mess that you now have to clean up.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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