Why was Jimmy upset? Someone kept pouring liquid nitrogen on him.

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text your mom saying you need help, then turn on vibrate and shove the phone up your ass.

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What do you call bad anti-jokes? Suckish comedy What do you call suckish comedy? Bad anti-jokes

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There once was a man from Nantucket, who had his car stolen and wasn't very happy so called the police.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Knock knock. I've got a gun. Knock kn [*BANG!*] [L]

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A retarded man walks into a bar and everyone was polite about his disability.

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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were driving on a highway. The redhead asked the brunette, who had the map, which was the next exit. The blonde was better with maps so she took it and announced where to go. They made the exit and enjoyed a nice lunch.

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How many Jews can you fit in the car? 4 in the seats and 6 million in the ashtray.

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Chuck Norris didn't rape yo mama, yo mama raped chuck norris!

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What did the doctor tell the boy with no arms or legs? I'm sorry, you have terminal cancer.

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Wanna hear a dirty joke? A pig fell in the mud.

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A man is walking on a beach when he finds a golden lamp. He rubs it and a genie comes out. The genie tells the man he will grant three wishes. The man wastes his wishes on material goods that do not bring him happiness.

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How do you burn a lot of calories? Set a fat kid on fire.

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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What's white and sticky? A sticky polar bear.

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The secret to McDonalds success is all their customers are to fat to leave

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What do you call a black male teacher? A: A Teacher .

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batman has diarrhea

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What's the difference between watermelon and baby? I don't eat watermelon.

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A marine biologist is captured by a group of violent pirates. After hours of being tortured, the pirates make him walk the plank. As he is pushed on to the plank, they ask him for his one last request. He responds "Kill yourselves." The pirates proceed to stab themselves until they bleed out and the marine biologist is the last man on the boat.

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what do a plane and a mouse have in common? nothing

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An astronaut, a nun and a fireman walk into a bar. They all order something to drink as they have all had a busy day.

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Q: Why was the bacteria afraid of the sanitizer? A: Because hand sanitizers are made up of ethyl alcohol, inactive additives such as water, other alcohols and fragrances. Ethyl alcohol is the active ingredient in hand sanitizer and is designed to kill germs.

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What happened to the orphan who ate a sandwitch? She got hit by a whale!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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