A man and his friend are talking. The man says, "You know what's funny? Sometimes you mean to say one thing and you say a completely different thing. Like the other day I wanted to buy a ticket to pittsburgh, but the lady I was buying it from had very large breasts, so I accidentally said 'Can I have a picket to titsburgh?'" And the other guy says, "Yeah, man, it's really funny you say that, the other day I meant to ask my wife to pass the salt, and I said 'you whore, you ruined my life'"

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Who did the dinosuar, that's pretty fricken awesome!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I just witnessed a horrible accident today! It was like a silent movie, but with SOUND!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

*Knock Knock* Who's there? "Justin Bieber" And you let him in because he's a young talented singer.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Question 1 - What is 1 + 1 = Hospital

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Haikus are easy But they don't always make sense. Refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did Helen Keller say when she fell out of a tree? SHFVDHGCIJCBSHG

thumb_up thumb_down +30

chuck norris

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What is long, erect, and 12 inches long? A ruler.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. The first one says, "Pass the soap." "No soap, radio," replies the second one. "Oh, you want me to turn on the shower radio?" "Yeah, it's too quiet in here. I could use some tunes." The first polar bear turns on the radio. "Now pass me the soap, please," he says. The second bear passes him the soap, he washes his face and neck, and then they both get out and towel off. The second bear switches off the radio before they leave the bathroom.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's the difference between your mom and a toaster? A toaster won't period in your cereal bowl.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They sent her to her room without dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How do you stop a plane? Throw flying birds at it.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you say to a blind buss driver? You suck

thumb_up thumb_down -1

You're so straight!

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Why did the plane crash Because Joe diragi is so fat

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Small breasts.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How is a Jew and a White Person alike. 'cuz you touch yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: How do you solve a problem like Maria. A: You kill her. You kill Maria.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How do you make a plumber cry? You kidnap his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

If you helped Jack on the horse, would you help Jack off the horse? Of course; if he was too short to climb onto the saddle then it would be irresponsible and potentially dangerous not to help him off. As his riding instructor, you would be liable for any injuries Jack sustained had he attempted to dismount the horse with no assistance.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What did spongebob say to patrick? Im ready! im ready!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings

thumb_up thumb_down +1

a man and his son pull up out side b&q and the man says to his son run in there and get me a black n decker and the boy goes in and is standing in the power tools isle and he looks round and there is a lady standing next to him so he hit her, the woman happened to be black and 2 minutes later a security guard rushes round and says son what did u do that for and the son said my dad told me to come in and get a black n decker!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops