Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died.

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The term "shots fired" often reminds me of the time a couple of buddies had a drinking contest and I shoved a lit cigarette down the loser's throat

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What do you get when you don't wear protection? A baby.

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How do you put an elephant in a taxi? You open the door, make sure the elephant is seated confortably, and close the door.

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1. The name of your street 2. The name of your pet 3. Your favorite activity 4. The color of your eyes 5. The number of shoes you own Now fill in the blank with the corresponding number to your answers. "One day I was ___3___ my dog when a pornstar named __(1)__ ___(2)___ asked me how many times I can ___(3)____ myself. I said ___(5)___ times and the juice that came out of me was __(4)___."

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Why did the potato cross the road? It didn't. A potato is a vegetable. It cannot walk, think or speak.

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Why couldnt rex bark??? because he was a fish!

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Q: What is green, jumps and says i'm a frog? A: A frog that talks

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why did the chicken cross the road? to give a doctor the cure for cancer but some ass hole ran him over

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Wife: Do you know what the most untruthful lie I've told you? Husband: What? Wife: That I love you. By the way I'm leaving you for your father. The twins are gay and in love with each other and your daughter is a hooker with AIDS. Your mother killed herself upon hearing all this news. She suffered a lot. Oh, the dog died by rat poisoning that your dad put in the backyard. Bye.

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I got shot, you laughed

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Did you hear about that man who ate 17 cheeseburgers?! I didn't.

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Why did the girl scream? Someone shot her mom

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What's worse then a dead baby? a dead baby in a blender

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Here's a joke for u Hahaha suck on it I wasnt going to make u laugh o yea ur mom died

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What happened when you heard this joke? You didn't laugh.

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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Q: Why are pine trees green? A: Time to get a watch

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Why would anyone try to run from a fight if:Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog? I wasn't even talking about dogs and fight isn't something in you! Next time, don't listen to your football coach.

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It was at the war and there was a camp site where a doctors helped injured soldiers. One soldier comes in the door and holds his arm. The doctor says "You got shot in the arm?" He says yes. Then another soldier walks in the door and holding his shoulder. The doctor says "You got shot in the shoulder?" He says yes. Then another soldier walks in the door and was dragging his left leg across the floor. The doctor says "You got shot in your leg?" The soldier says "No, I stepped on dog shhhttt."

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Q. Knock knock A. Who's there Q. DEEZ A. DEEZ who A. DEEZ NUTZ HA GOT EEEEEM

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Why did Kurt Cobain commit suicide? Because it was drug related

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Mom: Ask me if you're adopted Boy: Am I adopted? Mom: yes

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What's the difference between black and white people? One is black.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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