How you make a duck cry? Raping it. How you make it shut up? Killing it. Why did no one helped the duck? Because the duck has no friends.

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The time and place do not matter because I'm a lesbian.

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What does Santa and a grape have in common? They're both purple, except Santa.

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A boy asks his teacher to go to the bathroom, she says ok but only if he can sya the alphabet. He says ok, but for some reason skips the letter P. How come? -Because he has a sever learning disability and is having a hard time remebering all the letters of the alphabet

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Why did the man have an extremely large nose? It just so happens that both his father and mother had large noses as well and nature took it's course.

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What did the man and woman do in bed together? Sleep.

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what tall and looks like a jew?

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What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane? There's no such thing. 500,000 people can't fit onto one plane.

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how do you make a blonde laugh on friday tell her shes a blonde on monday

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A father of 4 commits suicide. his kids celebrate shortly after.

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There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

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I was playing Black Ops online, my wife turned it off in the middle of the game....I killed her

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A blind man walks into a bar. He orders a drink and after a couple hours he leaves. He's only color blind.

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Q. What does physiks sound to most of the people? A. There were two camels, one was green, how much does the sand weight when its dark?

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Two Penn-State Advisors walk into a butt.

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What did one cow say to the other cow? Nothing. Cows do not possess the ability to speak.

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What is worde then swallowing a slipper? Swallowing a granny to catch the slipper

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How do u get suzzy off a swing? You tell her to get off

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Why was the girl crying? Because I raped her

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Knock Knock Who's There? Ram My Penis Into Ram My Penis Into Who? Me.

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how does a black woman find out if she is pregnant? she takes a pregnancy test

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Q: What happened when Bob the Super-mega-ultra man, in his hurry to return an item that was objectively proven to be hazardous to physically normal people, banged his head very hard against a wall of a random building that was located on his route of travel? A: He recieved a concussion and had to coalesce in bed for a long time in order to return back to his regular style of living. Bob was merely a nominal 'Super-mega-ultra' man. He gets hurt practically as easily as anyone else.

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Crowded elevator smell different to midget-Confucius say.

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"Why is Barney green and purple?" "Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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