What did the black man say while getting mauled by a jungle cat? "Help im dying", as the animal riped him peice by peice with fear in his eyes he died slowly as the jungle cat draged him back to its den helplessly he fades away and the animal eats him.

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Person 1: Ask me if I'm a truck? Person 2: Are you a truck? Person 1: No.

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what was the dinosaur after it got out of the pool? wet

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There once was a man who had a penis that was so big, his girlfriend liked it a lot. A year later they got married and had kids, but then the man lost his accounting job and things went downhill.

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do you like hardcore music? ya i love brokencyde

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Yo momma is so old that she will be moved to a nursing home next week.

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This one time at band camp... I played an instrument and learned to march with the rest of my school's band.

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knowck knowck whos there? shea shea who? shea...duh!

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What did the cow say to the chicken? Moo.

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The last head of Satan, is oh but what you blamed upon Your faults, Your sins. The thoughts of Madness written here, yet potent enough to cloud Your thoughts.... Wait not forever children of man, as eternity is at its peak, the false prophet IS AMONGST US! But what side is he on? The last ditch attempt to protect humanity from a raging jealous vengeful God? Say it is not so! Say that darkness is not the only thing standing against you and eternal damnation... ...Yet you killed his only true child, you stole his name, his essence... Even his Identity... ...Even the Angels white are powerless to stop him, Your maker, Your true maker, for what is the grief of the holy, from which you took his only son... ...As you celebrate once and once anew... :...Merry CHRISTmas, to all of those of you all now left behind... Celebrate it well, as before the world reaches 2017, is where it all ends...

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What did the world's greatest bowler say when he got a gutterball? "Spare me the irony!" Get it? It's because he's made of metal.

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Why was the emo kid sad? Because he gets raped by his dad every night

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i yoused to cry a little when i laughed . then i got raped by a clown.

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How did they wake up Lady Gaga? They p-p-poked her face p-p-poked her face......!

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whats worse than getting a papercut on the tip of your finger? getting crushed by a refrigerator

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What would you do for a Klondike Bar? I would probably spend somewhere under 3 dollars at a store, but only if somebody else drives me. I really don't want to drive, not in this gas shortage. You know what...forget it, Klondike Bars make my teeth hurt due to my sensitive teeth problem. I know I should get that sensitive teeth tooth paste, but I always forget when at the store.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Provolone

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Suzie!

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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What do you call a blonde on anti-joke? Fairly paranoid because of the typical blonde stereotype.

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Why didn't Superman save anyone on September 11? He was in a wheelchair.

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A blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who hits the ground first? The one that jumped first

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So a penguin walks into a bar. Penguin's have been affected by global warming so much that they decide to drink away as they near their final hours.

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once you go black your credit goes wack

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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