While out looking for sex last week I met a hooker who looked like a rhino. I said to her, "Do you charge?" She said, "Sir, I am arresting you under the Street Offences Act 1959. You do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court."

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If life gives you lemons, give them back. They were probably stolen, and even if they weren't, lemons are a pretty shitty gift to give someone.

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari? The baby is not a car.

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What is green and red all over? The Hulk's Penis in a blender

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A man runs over a woman wth his car. Whose fault was it? The man because he should be driving on the roads, not in the kitchen.

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A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar. The rabbi says "ow my head"

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what do you call a attractive blond haired girl who sings songs. pixie lott

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don't read this

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How many dead babies can you fit inside Casey Anthony's trunk? Trick question. She didn't do it.

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Microsoft Windows

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Q: Where does Cher sit? A: I have no idea.

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What did the cat say to the hamster? Meow

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look this kid up on facebook and spam him!! its funny, Josh Noonan, also his cell number is 603 560 3399....

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My friends and family all recommended me for alcoholics anonymous, but all i had to say is that my father didn't raise me to be quitter.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? BECAUSE HE WAS DEAD.

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A blonde tries to kill herself cutting both her wrists.Why didn't it work? Because her boyfriend found her just in time and managed to stop the bleeding and took her to the hospital. After some years of therapy they got married and lived happy together for the rest of their lifes.

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an autistic child eats its family's dogs poop and dies

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Roses are *yanks hair* Violets are *yanks hair* *sobs and yanks hair* I have tricolomania

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what do you call a polar bear in a bathtub? No soap, radio

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I always tell people " I have the heart of a child! " Then I continue "It's in a jar on my desk"

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A Jew, Christian and a Muslim walk into a bar. They have fun there a good time and then they go home.

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NEVER

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What is wrong with this phrase? The next line is false. The first line is true. Answer: llamas

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Q: What's grey and rocky? A: A grey rocking hair

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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