- Anti Joke

Why did the man have 3 girlfriends? A: because he is a womanizer

Why was chuck norris the anti christ? Christianity was being threatened....

what did the doctor say to the guy with a bullet in his arm you have a bullet in your arm

What happens when your school teacher gives you homework over the break? You give your teacher homework too!

Knock, knock. Who's there? The IRS.

There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

A boy walks into his friend's house for a party. While he waits for his friends to return from the bar he realizes there are many people waiting in different lines for various kinds of drinks. After his friends return he decides he does not want any of the carbonated drinks they had ordered, instead he chooses to wait in the fruit punch line. There is no punch line.

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

How do you get a clown off a swing set? You throw an axe at his head when he's not looking.

whats big and green, andif it falls from a tree , it can kill you? a golfcourse

What do Japan and Haiti have in common? They are both islands.

Why was the little boy sad? He tried to dry off his puppy in the oven.

Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

What's red, white, and black, and spins around and around? A penguin in a blender

What did the catholic priest say to the naked boy where are your clothes?

some weirdo nerd was just convicted of a hit and run Just kidding. All he did was suffocate your dad with a whoopee cusion.

What did the devil say to the baby with four arms? I am evil.

Q. Whats Brow and rhymes with Snoop? A Dr. Dre

Why can't Larry drive? Because he doesn't have his license, and his temps expired!

What's the difference between Hitler and Stalin? Nothing because pineapples aren't vegetables.

What's worse than a needle in a hay stack? A needle in a stack of drug addicts.

What do you get when you mix a teenager with a tanning bed? Cancer

How do you find dennis ferguson? Look at danyons bckground

Person A: Hey! Whats up? Person B: Suicide rates...

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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