What day is it? Asked the man with a gun who dislikes music. Friday. Mostly because yesterday was thursday and tomorrow is Saturday. Sunday comes afterwards also. The man says "oh. I thought it was Tuesday."

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Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Realist: Find something better to do than talk about a glass.

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Whats worse than a mother of 3 children, jumping off a bridge, smashing into the metal roof of a large car and dieing on impact? A mother of 3 children jumping off a bridge, smashes into the metal roof of a large car, survives,, becomes paralyzed, and has to explain to her children, why she is in a wheel chair for the rest of her life.

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What's the difference between a wire fence and a wooden fence? You can't see through a wooden fence

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Friends are like penguins because when you throw a polar bear at them they die

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A ship wrecks in the South Pacific ocean. Only one man survives. He swims to a semi-deserted island, and is later eaten by the cannibal inhabitants

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Why couldn't the blonde divide 5 by 0? Because it's impossible to divide by 0.

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What do an onion and a hamster have in common? They are both in my Grandma's omelette.

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Where can you find a Muslim with a boxcutter? At a UPS.

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What's worse than not receiving presents on Christmas Day? Being forced to consume your own flesh

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Why did the pengoon cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken

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A retarded man walks into a bar and everyone was polite about his disability.

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What was the old man doing in the parking lot. Looking for a place to park his car

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Why did the chicken cross the road? No reason.

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what did the dog say to the cat? nothing cause animals dont talk.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because he was trying to kill himself in the fastest and easiest way due to his drinking problems, which in the first place separated him him from his wife, who is fighting with him in court for custody of there only child ,Steven. He can not even pay the rent on his apartment or hold a job to pay child support..he is also in debt.

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An Irish man walks out of a bra.

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a robber walks into a bank. he steals everything and kills the guards

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What do you call a man wearing a costume similar to a stereotypical ghost? A mentally disabled man on halloween.

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Why was the brick acting yellow? No, because it's allowed via Tuesday.

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A man walks into a bar. He walks out 10 minutes later because he was satisfied with the new hooker he killed and made out with in the bar's bathroom.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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A man goes to his doctor and says, "Help me, my wife thinks she's a chicken." The doctor recommends a nearby psychiatrist to analyze the wife's mental instability, and inevitably she is housed in an insane asylum. The husband commits suicide.

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What do you call a boy with no arms and legs? Simply a pillow

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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