your mum

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Your mother is so fat that her doctor recommended that she exercise regularly and eat foods with nutritional value.

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A man goes to the doctor's office. The doctor says, "I have some bad news, and some worse news. The bad news is you have alzheimer's. The worse news is you have cancer." The man breaks down in tears, realizing that his life as he knew it is over, and recognizing the horrible burden he is about to become on his family, both financially and emotionally.

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Why did the pig have a band-aid? Because he had a whole in his foot.

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Joe Biden

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: he was sucidal because his kids hate him and his wife cheated on him.

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why did the boy trip off a cliff? because he was clumsy.

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how do you make sure someone is dead shoot them

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Why was Carlos fired? Because he stole and smelled of weed.

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"I love you terribly!" said the girl to her new boyfriend. "For Christ's sakes, Grandma, put your pants back on!"

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Roses are red, violets are blue, grass is green, sky is blue, dirt is brown, fire is orange, water is transparent, powder is white

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Why didnt sally throw out her lunch? Her mom had a miscarriage, she was never born.

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Q: What did the guy with glasses say to the guy without glasses? A: Dude your not wearing glasses.

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dead dibbs

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What's the difference between a Elephant? It can neither bike...

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Roses are red, My watch is gold now get on your knees and do as your told

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Bill:Ask me to do something. Bob:Go get me a beer Bill:Would you like fries with that?

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? A catfish could never pass the LSAT because it is unable to perform high-level critical thinking.

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What's the difference between a black minister and a white priest? Nothing. We are all equal in the eyes of God.

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Q. Why do Puerto Ricans throw their trash away in clear plastic bags? A. So Italians can go window shopping.

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A guy asks someone's name. The other guy answer that his name is Steeve.

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So this guy walks into a bar and– Nevermind it's really not that funny.

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Q. how does james bond like his babies A.shaken not stirred but if u think thats bad wait till u see a stirred baby

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-Knock, Knock -Who's there? -Carl -Carl wh-wait... carl...CARL OH MY GOD!!!! WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD ,CARL!!!! Where have you been? Oh my god... Mom's DEAD! When we all thought you were dead she hung herself! IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S DEAD, CARL! YOUR FAULT!!!!!! YOU ARE AN UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT CARL! YOU KNOW THAT? I hope you burn in hell.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops