"Honey im home!" but his honey was dead on the floor along with his 3 kids.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your moms face is turning purple. I'm coming for you.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A man walks into a bar and walks up to the counter. The bartender looks the man up and down and asks "Can I help you?" "Ya, get this guy off my ass" the duck promptly replies.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why didnt Stevie Wonder wave back at the white man? Because he's a racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

what did the crippled boy say to the truck driver? "i like cats."

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the boy say when be landed in the bottom of the well, nothing he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the man throw his watch out the window? Because it was broken.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

what did the homeless man get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +27

if you watched wife-swap years ago, you'll remember that one family that bought anything they could because they didnt have to pay till 12-21-12 because they thought the world would end LOL FUN FAMILY NOW HUH

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call an horse? A horse, because horse does not start with a vowel and that would be grammatically incorrect.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What do you call an obese kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Which is correct grammar: 'I hasn't a penis got' or 'I doesn't a penis has'? Answer: They're both wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

The teacher asked her class "What is 42 + 17?" Several hands were flung into the air. "71!" said Billy excitedly. "No, I'm sorry that is incorrect." said the teacher. "67!" shouted Carl at the top of his lungs. "Incorrect!" said the teacher. Then little Johnny raised his hand. "The answer is 69" he said full of intellectual delight. "Very good." said the teacher.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

whats brown and stickey? a brown stick

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why was the family sad? Their house burnt down.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did Dom move to Wales? Because he is poor!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

"What's 'green', 'blue', and 'red' all over?" My color-blind friend said in confusion.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What's black and crunchy? CO-Co PUFFS

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Roses are red, violets are blue, your so ugly, im going to kill you! Just kidding.......... Violets are purple. -Harrison

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Easy, you get a phone with a recorder that rather than playing a "please leave a message after the tone", plays the same tune as if the phone was still not picked up. Now tell me here and now, because I wont waste more time on you, what part did you play in this? Jenny Chatterton? Another one of your pseudonyms? What the fuck did you think would happen? You live in the Uk, london, so, tell me everything, or I will share every single detail here.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day your body rejected the transfer and you died.

thumb_up thumb_down +164

What do you call a teacher that gets wasted? A wasted teacher.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

If you were a booger..................... I would get a tissue so i could blow my nose.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Yo momma so fat, she has hypertension, diabetes, and a higher risk of heart disease.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops