Q: Your arms are tied and bleeding from your face, a bull is charging at you, a catapult launches a bunch of rottweilers with rabies straight at your face, a nuclear bomb right next to you is five seconds from exploding, and my teleportation device ia right next to you, what do you do? A: You start by getting your own damn teleportation device! The hell ill let you bleed on mine!

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Why is a T-shirt like a topaz statue of the Archangel Gabriel? They both start with 'T'.

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can't wait until the baby boomers die

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How many victims of the holocaust does it take to screw in a light bulb? Zero. They're all dead you sick fuck.

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Roses are stools, Violets are bums, sugar is knit, thank you, LSD.

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A elderly man was driving down the freeway when he got a call from his wife. He answered the phone and his wife said "Be careful dear, I just heard on the news that someone is driving the wrong way on the freeway." The wife then heard a loud crash over the phone as the drunk driver going the wrong way slammed head first into her husbands car, killing them both intstantly.

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I wonder what mute people say to themselves. :/

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A German, an Irishman, a Mexican and a Texan are flying together on an airplane over the ocean. When the plane begins to experience engine trouble, they find that there is only one parachute for the four of them! Through an amazing display of flying skill, however, the pilot is able to complete the flight and land safely.

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Who is the best person to do your nails with? Nobody, you have no friends.

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hi im paul ! im an alien :D tyuioyt5rtyuikfuhgdehjdhfghjhgfjjhfjfjdjdjd i pe out of my finger :D

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What did the man say to Hitler? You're a douche

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How do chinese families name their children I belive it would be child because chinese families are only allowed 1 child

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Why do you give a blond a gun You dont

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what did the black man do for his family? nothing

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Q: How did the robber steal a laptop from best buy? A: With his hands

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What's the difference between a teacher and a train?!? The teacher is a highly-intelligent organism and the train is a large vehicle used in transporting goods over long distances on the ground.

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Whats worse than a son killing his own father? His biological father finds him, 10 years later.

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What do you call a man with no eyes or ears? - Deaf and Blind.

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hey i just met you.... and this might just sound crazy but i have a bad case of short term memory .....were we talking????

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What did Jesus get for Christmas? Birthday presents.

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A girl accidentally clicks on an advertisement while on anti-jokes.com, the girl silently curses and quickly presses the back button.

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guys ive got a TANK under my house a septic tank

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two men are standing on a roof. Man #1: do you want me to push you off a roof? Man #2: No.

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"Lets begin, tell me about yourself," "ok, well first I'm a open book and..." "ok next" "why?" "I fucking hate books!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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