A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?". The horse doesn't respond because it neither speaks nor understands English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables on the way.

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How many Italians does it take to change a light bulb....... 1

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A man wearing a chicken t-shirt and holding a pair of dentures walks into the Youtube headquarters, then immediately walks out in fear of getting a copyright strike.

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So an African American man and another man of Hispanic, more specifically Mexico, are riding in the backseat of a car, who's driving? Probably their private chauffeurs, but most definitely not someone related to the Police Department.

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Boyfriend: Why are you so negative all the time? Girlfriend: I'm not! I'm positive! Boyfriend: No your not your arguing with me right now and you... Narrator: The girl takes the pregnancy test and shoves it in the guys mouth kicks him in the nuts and runs out the door.

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How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to suck my dick.

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why did the white man read the New York Times? because HuffPo is horrible. I mean, it's so so so shitty. it's like a wannabe buzzfeed, which ought to say it all.

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How do you tell if your sister is on her period? Cause your dads dick tastes funny...

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Knock knock Who's there? To To whom? No, its To Who now, since I married

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Why didn't Helen Keller have headphones? Because they weren't invented

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when Life gives you lemons, make lemonade. So i made some lemonade. Turns out the lemons Kawazaki Life gave me were poisoned and i shortly die afterwards. i wouldve died cursing out her name but she was cute so i forgave her in my mind. and thus i die in peace.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Roses are red, Because they can intrinsically change color through natural dyes.

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What's worse then ten dead babies in a barrel? The one at the bottom is still alive.

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your mom is so ugly when she entered an ugly contest they said... ok

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Your mother is so average in weight and in attractiveness.

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Whats better then free candy from a guy in a van? Trying to find his lost puppy so his kids don't cry.

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A man is walking down the street when a woman asks "excuse me, have you got the time?" to which the man replies "Yes..yes i do" the woman thanks him, and continues with her time constricted shannigans.

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How do you kill a Mexican? Rupture its vital organs like any other organism ,but murder is wrong and should not be done under any circumstance

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Is it true that curiousity killed the cat? No, I hit it multiple times with a baseball bat

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yo mama is so old i told her to act her own age and she told me to shut up and get out of her house.

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Knock knock! Why didn't you use the doorbell?

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So a man walks into a bar and gets a drink, then a man walks up to him and tries to start a fight, the first man says, "No thanks" and walks home.

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Why wasn't the woman cooking in the kitchen? Both her hands had been cut off in a severe conveyor belt accident.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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