Two scientists walk into a bar. One says "I'll have H20", the other says "I'll have a beer." The first one is the one to drive them to their homes.

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We start counting at 1, therefore 0 is countless. I've slept with countless women.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken had just received a call from his family, hearing that his father had just been butchered. He was approaching the farm when an 18-wheeler approached. The tire flew off, hit a candy store, candy flew in the chicken's mouth, and it died of diabetes. However, right before the chicken died he finally crossed the road, not knowing he would get shot by his farmer. The chicken managed to survive the shooting to his right kidney, wiggled to his family, and died in front of his wife.

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--Knock Knock Who's there? --Banana Banana who? --Knock Knock You just said that --Sorry i have Alzheimer's

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What did Osama bin Laden say to Jesus? Nothing. He's in hell.

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It may be Stupid but its also Dumb. ~Patrick Star

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to KFC for his job interview

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MATH: if for every 1 minute for billy is 5 minutes and every 5 minutes is an hour than billy is on acid and needs to come down.

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What did the apple say to the pear? Fred, you are going insane and i'm getting a divorce.

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Why did the girl with a striped ball fall over? She was a victim of a drive-by shooting.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It doesn't matter. He was hit by a bus.

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Unless your father is a doctor and you live with him.

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Your mother is so nice, I saw her while grocery shopping and we pleasantly chatted. She also remembered my name and invited me to come over sometime and have a snack.

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Sidney was a man, but not just any man... He was a fishmonger.

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Why is it wrong to love your neighbour? You would be loving a dickhead.

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What is three times more dangerous than war? Three wars.

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Scenario: Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub The first one says, "Hey, can you pass the radio please" And the second one replies, "Sorry, my cousins are made of soap."

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How do you keep an extraordinary magician from performing his show? Replace his shampoo with battery acid

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A negro named Kanye walks into a Tavern... He's stoned to death.

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Where do farmers retire their used farm equipment? The tree in their backyard.

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What did one cat say to the other cat? Nothing.

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What's green, [ THIS BIG ] and flies around the room... A remote controlled gherkin!

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Why did the manager fire his black employee? Because he was stealing office supplies. Why was he stealing office supplies? Because he needed the money for his family. Why did he need that money? Because he wasn't being paid his full wage. Why wasn't he being paid full wage? Because his employer was a racist. Upon this analysis, the state of California ruled the case of Jones vs. Smith in favour of Mr. Jones, and ordered Mr. Smith to give Mr. Jones a cash settlement of $500,000. However, Mr. Jones was still convicted with a single charge of petty theft and was sentenced to six months in prison. His family was still awarded the settlement of $500,000. Mr. Jones made parole three months early for being an "idol inmate."

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nathan your cats dead now...well hopefully

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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