A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's the difference between Santa Clause and Tiger Woods? One is a mythical person who parents exploit to get their children to behave due to lack of parenting skills.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you get if you buy a big mac with a ten pound note? Change.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

If little jimmy has five candy bars and he eats three, what does little jimmy have? Diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what do You call a white man killing a black man? a accident

thumb_up thumb_down -25

mommy, mommy, the ice cream man is coming can i have a dollar? sure sweetie. YAY! Goes up to ice cream truck, ice cream man asks what would you like little boy, would you like chocolate, vanilla, str.... Ice cream man steals small boy.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What does the composer Berg lack? Schoen.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the boy with cancer get for christmas Nothing he didnt live that long

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's black and sits in the back of a police car? The seat.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

one of my friends died of heartburn today :( i cant believe gav is gone

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Aww Eliza, thanks for being around in spirit, dont leave yet, I am kinda having breathing problems, and Alice says my something levels are dropping because I need solid food, please dont leave, I cant tell time even with a watch, but would you mind waiting a bit? Ill eat fast, somehow.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

YOUR MOMMA IS SO FAT WHEN SHE JUMPED FOR JOY........she didn't get stuck because there's nothing to get stuck in.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

What do you call a horse with out ears? A horse with out ears?

thumb_up thumb_down -32

How did the man with no arm and no legs get to the store? Well he certainly didn't walk.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Let's not pick mushrooms in heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

One penguin says to another penguin, "It looks like you are wearing a tuxedo." The other penguin says, "Yea, I have to go to dinner party later."

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? Because leprechauns don't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

roses are red violets are blue i have deep vein thrombosis .... perpendicular albatross

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Do you like impressions? Why? That's Socrates

thumb_up thumb_down +5

I met this girl and we really got along, then one night she tied me up, I thought she was getting kinky...then she ripped my face off....

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A teen walks in on his parents having sex. He then vomits in his mouth and shuts the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What did Helen Keller say? Obcojbcidjbcidjbdijcbd

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops