Someone asked me yesterday why my friend Portier is named after a sports car... I mean, fair enough, it is a common misconception but they live in the country and her Dad drives a tractor; think it through. [L]

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Why was the squirrel late for work? Because the traffic was nuts!

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What does Obama and Darth Vader Have in Common? Nothing. Darth Vader is not a real person and thus cannot be compared to the president of the UNited States.

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How do you stop a baby from crawling in cirlcles? nail its hand to the floor

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Did you hear about the man who didn't get a burger with his meal?! Yes he is doing quite well on his diet don't you agree?

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What do you call a bad joke? Unfunny.

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A man goes up to an old friend and says: "Help me, I just found out that my friend is gay! What should I do!?" The other man replies: "If there is no problem, I cannot help you... Yet, there is one. Your homophobia. I suggest that you see a therapist immediately and I hope that you can get over the fact of the contemplation of a sexuality."

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Why did Suzie fall of the swing? The chain broke.

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dylan wishes he could come up with funny jokes. but that is impossible for a man trying to bat with a .5inch ****

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What's worse than getting shot? Getting shot twice.

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I'm so hot my father calls me son.

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Why wouldn't the girl clean her room? She was paralyzed.

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Paul howley can't drive, phahahaha

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What do you call an Arab flying a plane? A pilot. *BOOM* Never mind, he was a terrorist.

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A man wakes up after only one hour of sleep due to his insomnia. He starts to cry because his wife just passed away and his parents were recently killed in a car accident. The man gathers his composure, takes a shower, and drives to his minimum wage job. He was expelled from high school for an assault he didnt even commit and has no money to get an education. At work, he accidentally drops a box of valuable, fragile electronic parts and gets fired by his boss. He goes home to his dirty 1 bedroom apartment and contemplates suicide. He decides to wait as his favorite tv show is on. He turns on the tv to the news his show has been cancelled. The man, depressed, suicidal and alone, picks up his .22 and kills himself. There is no God.

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How many ADHD kids does it take to change a light bulb? Let's go ride our bikes!

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What do you give the person who has everything? A 20$ gift voucher

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How did you know it was bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? When his clock's big hand met the little hand, usually at 10 or 11, though sometimes later if he had a concert that night.

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Is this the krusty Crab? No you idiot this is a phone!!!!!

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Knock knock Who is there Banana Banana who Knock knock Who's there Banana Banana who Knock knock WHO'S THERE orange ...orange who Orange you glad I'm a cop here to tell you your family died in a horrible mask murdering and didn't say bannana again?

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Why did the fly get off the toilet? It got pissed off.

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What's the safest way to tell a racist joke? Ask everybody who might hear the joke if they would be offended by a racist joke.

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What happens if you accidentally say your best-male friend's name instead of your boyfriend's name during sex? Nothing, they're both named Adam.

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if life gives you lemons, make lemonade. unless you only get one lemon, then it really hard to make a good glass..and for that matter, who said you had a juicer? it would be really hard to just squeeze the juice out of a lemon. on top of that, what kind of situation am I in that I would need lemonade? let's say if life gives you lemons, determine the best use of them based on need, local weather and economic status

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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