A shoemaker walks into a bar holding a shoebox with only one shoe inside. The bartender gives him a drink and asks "Say mister, why are you carrying that shoebox with one shoe?" The shoemaker says "Well sir, it's a long story." The bartender says "Okay, give me the short version." The shoemaker says "Okay, long story short, I'm not really a shoemaker." The bartender asks "Well buddy, what are ya?" The shoemaker gets up from his chair and says "I'm a guy missing shoe."

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What did John the accountant do when he saw a flying dog, He woke up from a wonderful dream and started his day

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whats the same between a mouse and an elephant? They are both small except for the elephant

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Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Q: What would have been the easiest way to stop the second world war without killing anyone? A: Paid Hitler for his art.

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How do you get a cat out of a tree? You throw a brick at it.

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Q: What did the Black Man say to the Mexican Fellow Guy? A: Hello.

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Why didnt the chicken cross the road? Because he got hit by a bus.

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What do you call a cereal killing homeless man? Roofless

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Yo mama is so fat when she went to the fat contest they said SORRY no pros alowed

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Q: what smells like cheese and tastes like cheese? A: cheese

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What is funny about a man who chews tobacco? Nothing, the man was diagnosed with mouth cancer at a young age and got his jaw removed, he was very upset.

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If Chuck Norris was really so awesome he would come and slam my head into the keyboard.

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A man walks to a bar. He drinks too much and dies. His family is informed later that evening.

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why did Suzie fall off the swing? because she had no arms.... well then knock knock! whis there? suzie. suzie who? she doesnt know either...she has no arms!

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I'm not hungry, so when my mon offered me a pear I said to her "No thanks, I'm not hungry". 

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A stripper walks into a bar. She works there.

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What do you call a man running around town with no clothes on? Naked.

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What's worse than a bee sting? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

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Why did the man need new glasses? He was thrown off a bridge by a leprechaun.

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Why Do Black People Love Watermelon? Because Its A Delicious Fruit.

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Your city streets are so bumpy that cars get flat tires when going to the gas station.

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What did Susie get for Christmas? AIDS.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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