There once was a man from Peru. He dreamt he was eating his shoe. He woke with a fright, In the middle of the night, To find a man had murdered his wife and children.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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whats worse than having the flu? having cancer

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Roses are red violets are blue I have AIDS go get checked

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Woman.

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9/11/01 walks into a bar

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My great grandfather died in the holocaust. He fell off the guard tower.

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Q:what do you get when you get when you cross a dog and a human A: a human-dog hybrid with AIDS

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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A german police officer sees a Rabbi. Nothing happens, it's 2011

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Politics

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Will nearis is here! Get it

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I need a good anti joke....

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roses are red violets are blue most poems rhyme but this one doesnt

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Roses are red violets are blue I want to F%$# you with a rake

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Yo mamma's so fat she has her own zip code!!! :) Well... the actual reason is she is filthy rich and her house is so big that it takes up a bunch of room, and now that im talking about her i really wanna be her even though shes fat!

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What's worse than the holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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"Have you seen the food African kids eat?" "No.." "NEITHER HAVE THEY!!"

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How do you stop a baby from crawling in cirlcles? nail its hand to the floor

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A man... walks.

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A man was standing out in the rain and calls out to god saying "smite me god, SMITE ME NOW" and the man was arrested and booked cause a near by neighbor reported on the disturbance. he is now facing charges of disturbing the peace.

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What's green , has 4 legs and if it fell out of tree on you , would hurt you ? A Pool table

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What do stuffed animals and living animals have in common? There both living except the stuffed animal.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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