A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

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who broke the little boys window? his abductor/rapist.

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You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't divide by zero.

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Why did the kid poo his pants? Because he was Matt Daly

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What did the boyfriend give his girlfriend for Valentine's Day? AIDS

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Why did Sally fall off the swing set? because she had no arms. --- Knock, Knock Whos there? Not Sally.

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Why was the Mexican in pain? Someone hit him with a frying pan 5 times across the face.

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What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? A comment saying "I don't think that's an anti-joke"

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What has nine arms and sucks? An appendage-rich octopus with an inhaling habit.

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What did one pole say to the other pole? We are both from poland

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Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me!

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Q: What did one blind girl ask the other? A: Where are you?

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three people walked into a bar and there was a blackman,a jew,a white man and a nazi bartendor which ones did he shoot? The black and the jew and the white man

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yo mama's so fat because when women are pregnet thay gain weight for there child to feed on

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What's the square root of four? Two.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Not having an apple at all. Yet only worms to eat, such as the the poverty stricken citizens of Ethiopia.

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Why was the black man hanged? He was charged with piracy in the 1500s..

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Me:I talk to myself to much. Me:Same

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bill is either dead or alive. bill is not dead therefore bill is alive

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How can you tell if your roomate is gay? If he gets an erection when you have anal sex with him.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Your Face.

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knock knock who's there Romney Romney Who? RON PAUL 2012

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What red, white, and blue? A white person who was raped by a clown.

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They took away her Gameboy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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