"Ask me if I'm a lamp." "Are you a lamp?" "No."

thumb_up thumb_down -10

roses are red violets are blue your mum is a whore as are you:)

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Roses are Red Violets are Blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -18

anus soup

thumb_up thumb_down +20

why did the girl fall off the swing? she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari ? I don't have a Ferrari in my basement.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

two scientists walk into a bar. one says, "i want h2o." the other says, "i want h2o too." the bartender gives them both water and nobody dies because he is not irresponsible enough to give someone concentrated hydrogen peroxide as a drink.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A Cheerio is at Cheerio high school, and there is another Cheerio that he wants to ask to the prom, but she is a frosted Cheerio and because of Cheerio social statuses she would not go with him. So he goes to the Cheerio factory so he can become a frosted Cheerio. The factory workers tell him that he can be a frosted Cheerio, but the machines are malfunctioning today and they can only frost half of him. He agrees, and the girl Cheerio goes to the prom with him. He shows up at the prom with her, and she asks him to get her some punch. So, he's walking around, looking for the punch line, when he realizes: There isn't any.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

I like my women like I like my coffee Without a penis

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What do you call a person on a swing? F u c k N i g g e r s

thumb_up thumb_down -53

How many dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dogs do not have aposable thumbs therefore they cannot screw in light bulbs

thumb_up thumb_down +30

I heard the new Batman movie was to die for

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Joe: Hey, why are your counters all red and your blender looks broken? Me: The same reason why Mrs. Johnson's baby is missing. ajl

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you scare a blonde woman? Tie her up and mutilate her family while she watches.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did Susy fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Susy.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says wow its hot in here the other muffin said HOLY SHIT ITS A TALKING MUFFIN

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a man who is walking into walls and poles? A blind man who really needs your help.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How long does it take for a dead baby to explode in the microwave? I don't know; I was too busy masturbating.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Me: Sometimes I like to talk to myself. Me: So do I.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Your mom is so nce that when you got into college she taught you to be more independent so you could succeed later in life.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why did the chicken cross the road Because early that morning she had found out that her husband had left her for another chicken. She became depressed and soon was suicidal so she started looking for an option out of her pain. So she tried to cross the road... She never made it.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's worse than tripping over a tree root? The destruction of the ancient city of Pompeii in A.D. 79. Though tripping over a tree root may hurt and result in the victim bleeding profusely, we live in the 21st century and at any time can call a doctor using a cellular device called a phone. In A.D. 79, no technology in this category existed. People were overpowered by the rage of a mountain that they believed was a sign of the wrath of the heavens. People had to flee the city and a majority of them we killed by either inhaling to much smoke or other causes. This continued for over 18 hours. Therefore, the destruction of Pompeii is far worse than tripping over a tree root.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

three men get stranded on a island and cannibals find them and they say go find 3 fruits and come back. first guy comes back with three apples and they say we will shuve them in your rectum and if you scream we will kill you he screams he dies. second guy comes back with grapes and he laughs before they can start. and in heaven the first guy says why did you laugh and he says there voices are funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks into a bar and says "I'd like a beer."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops